In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Write at least 250 words
With the various transformations of the world's major concern,
obesity
is one of the most conversational topics in
these days. Change preposition
apply
People
in some communities think that fast food
advertising has direct involvement in this
cause and should be prohibited. However
, some groups think promoting junk snacks is not involved with these health issues
and not be banned.
I believe, that most people
think giving promotions for fast food
creates a direct impact
on unusual weight gain because these will lead to generating more likeliness towards consuming fast food
. Especially, children and youth generations will grab these interesting commercials without considering the other facts. Moreover
, manufacturers will not be able to explain the causes and effects within that limited time in electronic advertisements. For example
, KFC is promoting their chicken items very creatively but never reveals the impact
of having fried food
regularly. Based on the above reasons, this
group of people
believe that junk food
advertisements should be stopped.
On the other hand
, some set of people
assume that advertising junkies is not contributing to general health issues
like obesity
. For instance
, they believe that having generational genetic issues
, not acquiring enough physical engagement, and wrong patterns in consuming meals are the hidden issues
instead
of junk meal advertising relating to obesity
. Therefore
, their opinion is not to make caps on promoting easy quick foods.
In conclusion, I also
think there is no direct relationship or impact
between fast food
advertising and obesity
. If these kinds of promotions encourage the buying behaviour of society or if not provide adequate details for the customers regarding the consequences, there are many other facts relating to obesity
in the social network. Such
as; the impact
of genetic features, lack of exercises
, Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
alcoholic
consumption, and not following the right Replace the word
alcohol
food
consumption styles. Therefore
, I believe there is no need to ban the advertisements for fast foods.Submitted by silvasandumi on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a good score. However, you should work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Try to use more cohesive devices like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'However' to make the transitions between points smoother.
task achievement
While you provide relevant examples, ensure they are clearly explained and directly support the points you make. For instance, when mentioning KFC's advertising, elaborate on how exactly it lacks information on health impacts. This helps in making your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your sentences sometimes lack clarity. Make sure your ideas are clearly expressed. For example, rephrase sentences that are too complex or vague. Proofreading for grammatical errors can significantly improve the comprehensibility of your essay.
task achievement
You've successfully delivered a complete response to the prompt. Both sides of the argument are discussed, and your own opinion is clearly stated in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The points are generally well-organized.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?