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Band 6.5

Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #offer #subjects #students’ #future #career #success #music #sports
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People have different views on whether
students
 should acquire particular knowledge in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 for chasing their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in the future. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
 comment and in the following paragraphs, I would shed light on several reasons to support my stance. On the one hand,
students
 going to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 are not merely for the purpose of entering
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
.
First
 and foremost, the courses which
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to have no relation to their future occupations are able to broaden
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 horizons of them.
For example
,
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 taking
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 art class, which can improve their aesthetic, they might achieve the success of being an outstanding UI designer by merely learning the coding lesson.
In addition
, studying different lessons
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 actually
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 the
students
 to realize what kind of fields
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
they keen to step in and choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain jobs from the bottom of their hearts.
Therefore
, diverse choices and possibilities are offered to them as they can search
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 most desirable occupation during the whole school time.
On the other hand
, the early choice of chasing
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
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 in the salad days limits
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 selections of them. Even though some subjects may be beneficial to their
career
 success, they still
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 a range of possibilities which may discover afterwards.
For instance
, it is common worldwide that employees gradually find out they are not suitable for their current job and struggle to change to another area due to their lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
some skills which are too late to learn.
Nevertheless
,
this
 situation can cause various
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of anxiety and have a negative impact on their own lives. In conclusion, though offering only subjects in schools is indeed an efficient way to help
students
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
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 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
, I believe widely studies along with various advantages are able to
beneficial
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benefit
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 to
students
 not only in their
career
 but
also
 in their personal lives.
Submitted by junnnhwang on

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