IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Having a good university degree guarantees people a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely believed that obtaining a quality university degree significantly increases the likelihood of securing a lucrative job opportunity.
However
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, I am inclined to disagree with
this
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 viewpoint partially. On the one hand, reputable universities are equipped with robust curricula tailored to meet the demands of the professional world. They are designed to provide students with the knowledge and skills essential for meeting industry requirements.
For instance
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, a university offering a program focused on shrimp farming prepares its graduates with the expertise needed in the aquaculture industry,
thus
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 enhancing their employability in
this
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 sector.
Consequently
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, a well-structured curriculum serves as a conduit for creating more employment prospects for individuals in the future.
On the other hand
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, practical work experience and a diverse skill set are pivotal in attaining coveted positions in the job market. Research indicates that nearly 80% of shrimp farming companies incorporate criteria related to these aspects in their recruitment processes.
For example
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, students who have participated in internships with established companies for several semesters are more likely to secure employment.
Furthermore
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, proficiency in languages
such
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 as English is often a deciding factor in evaluating a candidate's suitability for a role.
Therefore
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, professional experience and language proficiency are critical determinants of job requirements and academic prowess. In conclusion,
while
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 it is often posited that graduates from esteemed universities are assured of securing high-paying positions, I contend that
this
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 claim does not always hold true. Many industries consider other skills when assessing potential candidates,
thus
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 rendering a good university degree only one of several factors influencing employability.

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Coherence Cohesion
To improve in coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring that your essay flows smoothly from one point to the next. Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, while you addressed the question, make sure that you extend and support your main points more thoroughly. This can be done by developing your arguments more fully and including a broader variety of ideas and examples to back them up.
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