IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some pepole say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and becom disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work . Discusee both views and give your opinion.

#pepole #teenagers #work #money #lessons #becom #sacrifice #rest #activities #discusee
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The teenage age is an astonishing
time
Use synonyms
 in our life. We are able to spend our
time
Use synonyms
 doing many
things
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have a controversy about, should adolescent
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 part-
time
Use synonyms
 after school, some
people
Use synonyms
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea while others are not. In my opinion, it's optional to do but I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because teenagers can earn
money
Use synonyms
 and get the
experience
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
. Adolescent
people
Use synonyms
 always spend
money
Use synonyms
 on their
favourite
Use synonyms
things
Use synonyms
, including, designer-label
things
Use synonyms
, their interest
things
Use synonyms
, and important sustains.
Thus
Linking Words
, getting a part-
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 would improve their financial problems
although
Linking Words
 it is leading teenagers to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
 doing their jobs,
in other words
Linking Words
, they would lack their free
time
Use synonyms
 to do their
favourite
Use synonyms
 hobbies.
For example
Linking Words
, I had part-
time
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 when I was 19. I collected
money
Use synonyms
 for spending on my
favourite
Use synonyms
 online games.
However
Linking Words
, I did not have
time
Use synonyms
 free-
time
Use synonyms
 to play my
favourite
Use synonyms
 game so much. By the way, I got something
instead
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
 called
experience
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
. The
experience
Use synonyms
 is important when we grow up to do full-
time
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
. Working a part-
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 when we were adolescents can provide the
experience
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
 to us. When we have the
experience
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 within a field that we
work
Use synonyms
 before, we would have no burden to do our
work
Use synonyms
. Not only the
experience
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 that we would get
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 the financial management skill.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I was 19, I had a part-
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
,and I struggled to manage my
money
Use synonyms
 and planned my spending
money
Use synonyms
. When I was 21, I was able to manage my
money
Use synonyms
 more proper than before. I
also
Linking Words
 got my
work
Use synonyms
 skills which are advantageous to the
job
Use synonyms
 that I am doing at present.
Thus
Linking Words
 teenagers would get the
experience
Use synonyms
 of working and monetary management. To conclude, part-
time
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in teenage life is optional to do. If they do, they will lack free
timetime
Correct your spelling
time time
 to do hobbies. Whereas, they gain advantages more disadvantages. they will not only earn
money
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 the
experience
Use synonyms
 in jobs and management skills.
Submitted by kongsakun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: