IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that sport is very important for society. Others, however, argue that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sport #society #leisure #activity
In general, we are playing sports because we want our body
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
 well being, create muscles, and
Correct your spelling
strengthen
strenghten
Correct your spelling
strengthen
health
Correct pronoun usage
our health
show examples
. There are both significant for society and a leisure activity
Correct your spelling
depends
bepends
Correct your spelling
depends
 on
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
 of perspective. For
this
 essay, I will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 views
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 two topics in the
next
 paragraph.
To begin
 with, There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 playing games.
In addition
 to
healthy
Add a missing verb
being healthy
show examples
, it
also
 helps
we
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 build trust and work with
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 in each match
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as playing football, we have to communicate to
Add an article
the member
show examples
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 how we play to win
this
 game.
Moreover
, it can be your hobbies to support your
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
 from work. You will feel relaxed,
chilled
Correct word choice
and chilled
show examples
, and make friends from gyms or clubs that you joined.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 a leisure activity as well. it means whenever you have
a
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
 free time, you can go to the gym to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
, or join
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
play athletics with friends or
Correct your spelling
colleagues
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
. In our community, playing sport
furthermore
Add a missing verb
is furthermore
show examples
 healthy, it
also
build
Change the verb form
builds
show examples
 your relationship in society and in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. You do not have to
good
Add a missing verb
be good
show examples
 at
Correct your spelling
playing
palying
Correct your spelling
playing
 sports but you have to at least know how to play to keep a good relationship in an association. For
Correct your spelling
instance
show examples
in stance
Correct your spelling
instance
show examples
, in the office boss or team leader usually arrange activities to let their team member
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or employee
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
participate
paticipate
Correct your spelling
participate
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 event
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 build trust and relation in
Add an article
the work
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
Thus
, that kind of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
adovocate
Correct your spelling
advocate
providre
Correct your spelling
provide
provider
 advantages more
Correct word choice
than
show examples
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 disadvantages. In conclusion,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 an individual point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
, it is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
essential
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
 in public
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and a free-time
activities
Correct the article-noun agreement
activity
show examples
. It depends on what style are you.
However
, it provides several
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advantages so, it is better to
Correct your spelling
participate
paticipate
Correct your spelling
participate
 in sports. If you are not a sporty person, you just periodically played it
then
 who knows, you might like it in some days.
Submitted by wow_woo_waa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Chronic diseases
  • Teamwork
  • Cultural divides
  • Revenue generator
  • Infrastructure
  • Patriotism
  • Role models
  • Commercialization
  • Recreation
  • Stress-relief
  • Elite sports
  • Injury risks
  • Doping scandals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: