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Writing Samples
Band 7

An increasing number of people are using internet to meet new people and socialise. some think that it has brought people together while some think people have become isolated. discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #internet #socialise #think
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Nowadays, the number of
people
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 who are using the
internet
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 always increase. They usually use
this
Linking Words
 to have connections with
others
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. Some
people
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 think that the
internet
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 is really useful
due to
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 it could make the relationship between
others
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 become closer,
while
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others
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 think that
this
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 technology would make humans become isolated from each other.
This
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 essay shows the explanation of two sides of those and would agree that the
internet
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 is truly good for maintaining human connections. By using the
internet
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, everyone can be together easily with
others
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 from everywhere. In my opinion,
this
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 sophisticated technology could be a solution for
people
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 to ketch up with their loved ones,
such
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 as family, friends, and partners, and make up new friends from strangers from around the world.
For example
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, it would be helpful for parents to know their children who are studying abroad without the need to be present around them directly.
On the other hand
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, the
internet
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 could impact humans to become more individual.
This
Linking Words
 feature makes
people
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 become more focused on their virtual lives, so it might lower their communication skills since they only have a few real interactions with
people
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.
However
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, I believe that having communication with virtual
people
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 is
also
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 a real thing. The difference between them is only a place to do the activity. They still have a talk with real
people
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 who just live in long-distance from them.
Hence
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, the communication skills would not decrease. In conclusion, the benefits of the
internet
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 overweight the drawbacks
due to
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 it makes the relationship between everyone
last
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 even if they are already separate from each other.
Submitted by nirmalindah on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay's coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the logical structure by clearly separating each point into distinct paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to make your arguments stronger. For instance, instead of general statements, you can mention specific social media platforms or online communities that facilitate meeting new people.
task achievement
Expand on the counter-argument about isolation. Describe specific scenarios or studies that show how the internet can make people feel more isolated and suggest ways to mitigate this issue.
coherence cohesion
Refine your introduction to make it clearer and more engaging. State your opinion more explicitly in the introduction and ensure that you summarize the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which provides a nice framework.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and address both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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