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Band 6.5

In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be taken to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation
It is true that
although
 the young generation has better living standards,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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feeling of unhappiness still occurs to many of them in some countries.
This
 essay will discuss the main reason behind
this
 phenomenon and
then
 offer a feasible solution to it. The key factor responsible for the feeling of unhappiness
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 to the young even though they are living in a world full of amenities is that they have had a lack of
communication
. To be more clear, having a better
life
 means that the young need to work hard to earn money, which allows them to purchase devices and health services, both of which provide young
people
 with a more convenient
life
.
As a result
, they usually lack time to communicate with other
people
 (including both their family members and their friends), meaning that they cannot confine their feelings and
hardship
Correct article usage
the hardship
show examples
 that they may encounter. The lack of
communication
 leads the young to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
feelings of
empty
Replace the word
emptiness
show examples
 and loneliness, which makes them become unhappy, regardless of a better quality of
life
.
Nevertheless
, there is a measure that can be adopted to tackle the situation. The most suitable solution is that
people
 should be heightened their awareness of the importance of
communication
. The government as well as schools should provide citizens and students with knowledge about the impacts of face-to-face
communication
 on our mental health.
Furthermore
, adults should hold more family activities
such
 as family meals or a vacation, thereby providing more space for family members to sit together and share their stories as well as enjoy the moment with others. By doing these suggestions, the young may spend more time communicating, which improves their mental health and helps them have a meaningful and enjoyable
life
. In conclusion, despite living
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
wealthier
Correct your spelling
healthier
show examples
 and happier
life
, in some countries, young
people
 feel less happy can stem from many causes.
However
, steps can be taken to tackle the situation.
Submitted by tmibii48 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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