IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific

#people #schools #purpose
It is argued that
students
 like to have
fun
 in
school
 but at the same time a huge number of them see that
school
 is just for learning. I completely disagree with the
second
 opinion and think that
school
 is bigger than just learning. 
First
 of all, I believe that
school
 is a place to do a huge number of things not only for education. Even if some
students
 they doing their best to get a high score or whatever their
school
 goal, but they did not focus on their other side which is "joy", these
students
 won't keep working like they were used to doing, while equality between all our life part every day and every time will make as capable for more long term.
For instance
, a lot of researchers found that studying for a long time without having a break like doing something to make you glad is a horrible idea for our brain. That's why schools need to be more entertaining for
students
 and teachers as well to be a successful environment. 
Secondly
,
school
 is our
second
 home, so having
fun
 is important for our mental health.
In other words
, we spend almost 8 hours in
school
 and if we will say we sleep for 8 hours that means a quarter of our day at
school
, so how we can spend 8 hours without some cheerful
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
For example
, my youngest sister always tries to have
fun
 as much as she can in
school
, but
likewise
 she studies and focus on her lessons, and because of that her GPR is perfect all year.
Thus
, the advantages of making the
school
 place to learn and have
fun
 are the greatest thing for the
students
.
Submitted by rlliizx140 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: