IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write a 4-paragraph essay of about 200-250 words on the following topic: Many young people spend a lot of time on the Internet without any parental supervision or control. What are some of the problems caused by unrestricted use of the Internet and what can be done to curb these problems?

#topic #people #time #internet #supervision #control
It is true that children nowadays use their
time
 surfing the
internet
 without any guidance and protection from their parents.
This
 essay will go into
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
this
 affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
 and how these problems can be solved. Teenagers usually spend
time
 indulging themselves in social media platforms and it caused problems for them. A major problem is spending hours surfing the
internet
 affects their physical condition.
Contanstly
Correct your spelling
Constantly
 sitting
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one place for hours leads to the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of young
people
 with eyestrain and back pain. Another issue is that it hampers social interactions. Social media platforms' algorithms like Facebook or Instagram provide endless enticing posts on their newsfeeds. Due to those algorithms, teenagers neglect
learning
Change the verb form
to learn
show examples
 important social skills.
As a result
, they perform their tasks poorly in real life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and fail to make real relationships. There are some effective solutions
people
 should notice.
First
, parents should encourage their children to exercise more. Exercising helps to ease mental as well as physical health.
This
 will lower the risk of sitting for long stretches of
time
.
Second
, make them aware of other things.To illustrate,
instead
 of playing games or using social media, we show them the benefits of reading books and make it appeals to them naturally. It not only reduces the
time
 they spend on the
internet
 but
also
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to learn more about general knowledge. To summarize, there are detrimental consequences of investing too much
time
 in using the
internet
 for young
people
 without control and management, yet they can be solved with effective solutions and more are suggested to minimize the influence of
this
 problem on the younger generation.
Submitted by minhnguyenvic on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: