The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

Correct your spelling

The

show examples

Then

Correct your spelling

The

show examples

number

Change the article

a number

the number

show examples

of overweight

people

is increasing day by day and the health care system is under

extremely

Replace the word

extreme

show examples

pressure to

tack

Wrong verb form

tackle

show examples

health problems. Some

people

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

that more physical education

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

should be put

Change preposition

into

show examples

the school timetable. I

am agree

Change the verb form

agree

show examples

with

this

method

besides

other suggestions. There are several suggestions to overcome

this

issue by

coopration

Correct your spelling

cooperation

between government, educational system and family.

Firstly

, more lessons can be added to

school

Correct article usage

the school

show examples

timetable that

are

Change the verb form

show examples

related to

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

sports. It is not only for being in shape

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

for enhancing teamwork

between

Change preposition

among

show examples

students.

Secondly

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

can play

significant

Add an article

a significant

show examples

role to spread awareness among young

people

about the consequence of

unhealthy

Correct article usage

an unhealthy

show examples

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

For example

, some ads should be made by TV channels to encourage children to get more exercise.

On the other hand

, more

observation

Fix the agreement mistake

observations

show examples

can be taken on

fastfoods

Correct your spelling

fast foods

fast food

to cook healthy

Correct your spelling

food

fod

Correct your spelling

food

Finally

Add an article

the family

a family

show examples

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

should share more time with their children to reduce the amount of time that children dedicate to playing computer games. In summary,

people

should be encouraged to have

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

lifestyle and do more physical activities.

This

goal is achievable by

Correct your spelling

cooperation

coopration

Correct your spelling

cooperation

between

failies

Correct your spelling

families

, government and educational systems.

Submitted by TUTOO on Mon Oct 03 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

192 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
It is true that many older people believe in traditional values that often seem incompatible with the needs of younger people. While I agree that some traditional ideas are outdated, I believe that others are still useful and should not be forgotten.
7.5
band
Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be a good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
These days, a number of people presume that parents are responsible for teaching their kids to become good citizens. In contrast, the other side thinks that school has more capability to do this. Although the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases, I believe that family is an important factor in children’s education in terms of becoming a good person in the community.
7
band
Some people says that it is a waste of public money to spend on cultural events, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, we can find that the government use its financial fund to organize some cultural events. Some individuals argue that spending public money on cultural activities is a waste, however, others disagree with this statement. I will elaborate on the reasons for both viewpoints and also raise my own perspective in the following paragraphs.
6
band
Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that chilren should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many people believe that children should enroll in schools at a young age while others believe that they had better start their academic journey when they get older. This essay discusses both views and states my opinion that students should start academic schooling at an old age.
8
band
You know that a building company is planning to build new houses in immediate proximity to your house. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter – Say how you found out about their plan – Describe how you feel about it – Explain what you hope that they do about it
The reason why I am writing this letter is your plan to build new houses near my place. I got a letter from your company that says the duration of construction, and your working time. Although the construction needs 6 to 8 months and working from 9 AM until 5 PM and do not have a holiday.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be a good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people says that it is a waste of public money to spend on cultural events, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that chilren should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

You know that a building company is planning to build new houses in immediate proximity to your house. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter – Say how you found out about their plan – Describe how you feel about it – Explain what you hope that they do about it