IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.Do u think the advantages of this development outwiegh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development #outwiegh
THE BENEFITS OF A GREAT HEALTH SYSTEM CAN NOT BE OVEREMPHASIZED. IN THE
LAST
 HALF-DECADE, HEALTH CARE HAS DEVELOPED WHICH LED TO AN INCREASE IN EXPECTATIONS OF LIFE, AS WELL AS, LONG LIFE. IN
THIS
 ESSAY, I WILL EXPLORE THE PROS AND CONS OF
THIS
, AND
ALSO
 IF THERE ARE MORE DRAWBACKS THAN BENEFITS. I WILL START BY LOOKING AT THE ADVANTAGES. THE OLDER
PEOPLE
 ARE ABLE TO LIVE FOR YEARS, SOME EVEN UP TO 80 YEARS OR A CENTURY. THEY UTILISE THEIR OLD AGE TO SPEND TIME WITH THEIR FAMILIES AND BOND WITH THEIR GRANDKIDS.
ADDITIONALLY
, THEY ENGAGE IN VOLUNTARY ACTIVITIES.
THIS
 MEANS THAT THEY ENGAGE IN NON-CHARITY IN ORDER TO RENDER THEIR SERVICES TO THE PUBLIC. SOME
PEOPLE
 BECOME HISTORICAL STORYTELLERS, WHO EDUCATE
PEOPLE
 ABOUT THE CULTURE, TRADITIONS AND CUSTOMS THAT EXISTED. THEY BECOME REFERENCE POINTS, IN THE ASPECT OF HISTORY.
FOR INSTANCE
, IN EDO STATE, THE CITIZENS VISIT OLD
PEOPLE
 FROM THEIR REGION IN ORDER TO KNOW ABOUT THEIR TRADITIONS.
ON THE OTHER HAND
, THE DOWNSIDE OF INVESTING IN THE MEDICAL SYSTEM IS THAT THE FUNDS USED, WOULD HAVE USEFUL IN DEVELOPING OTHER SECTORS
SUCH
 AS ROAD INFRASTRUCTURE, WATER, ELECTRICITY ETC.
FURTHERMORE
, HAVING TOO MANY ELDERLY CITIZENS WILL REQUIRE THE GOVERNMENT TO BUILD HOME FACILITIES IN ORDER TO ATTEND TO THEIR NEEDS.
FOR EXAMPLE
, IN DUBAI, THE AUTHORITY BUILT A PROJECT THAT COST OVER $100 MILLION FOR AGED CITIZENS. IN CONCLUSION, WITH THE ADVANCEMENT OF HEALTH CARE,
PEOPLE
 LIVE AND AGE LONGER.
HOWEVER
, I BELIEVE THAT
THIS
 TREND WILL AFFECT THE GOVERNMENT'S ANNUAL EXPENDITURE.
THAT IS
 TO SAY, THE DISADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE BENEFITS OF MEDICAL IMPROVEMENT.
Submitted by chinomsoonyeaso on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: