IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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There are many different
view
Change to a plural noun
views
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 on spending most of the
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
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, giving little
time
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 off
work
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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Correct your spelling
workaholics
workholics
Correct article usage
a workholics
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 carries more negative implications than positives. At a personal
level
Add a comma
,level
show examples
 the drawbacks of long hours of
work
Use synonyms
 have effects on both, physical and mental
Correct your spelling
wellbeing
wellbeign
Correct your spelling
well-being
. Sparing only
small
Correct article usage
a small
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time
Use synonyms
 for enjoyable activities and hobbies would have a bearing on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
on
Change preposition
in
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 the long run. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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many
Replace the quantifier
much
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 research showing a clear link between
Use synonyms
Add a hyphen
work-related
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work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
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 stress and mental health issues. When the mind
become
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becomes
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 unhealthy,
naturaly
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natural
naturally
body
Correct article usage
the body
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 would be
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vulnerable
vulnarable
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vulnerable
 to falling easily sick.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these workers would be less productive.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 the
Replace the word
effects
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affects
Correct your spelling
effects
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 go beyond the individual level, and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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adversely
adversly
Correct your spelling
adversely
. Lack of free
time
Use synonyms
 from
work
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 means there would be less
time
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 for social
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
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,
less
Correct word choice
and less
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 family
time
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Japanese government realising the social problems that are created due to
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
overwork
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over
Correct your spelling
overwork
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work
Use synonyms
 culture are implementing strict rules and
made
Wrong verb form
making
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 mandatory
blackout
Fix the agreement mistake
blackouts
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 in the office building to force the workers to go home.
Such
Linking Words
 drastic measures are taken to protect a healthy society.
Correct your spelling
Even though
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 employees would be overwhelmed to have workers who
work
Use synonyms
 overtime without any complaint,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the long run it has more dangerous bearings. In conclusion, the increased hours spent at
work
Use synonyms
 ignoring
time
Use synonyms
 to rest has created many
personnel
Replace the word
personal
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 and social issues.
Submitted by ghm_day on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: