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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
There are many different
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 on spending most of the
time
 at
work
, giving little
time
 off
work
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
workaholics
workholics
Correct article usage
a workholics
show examples
 carries more negative implications than positives. At a personal
level
Add a comma
,level
show examples
 the drawbacks of long hours of
work
 have effects on both, physical and mental
Correct your spelling
wellbeing
wellbeign
Correct your spelling
well-being
. Sparing only
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
time
 for enjoyable activities and hobbies would have a bearing on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the long run. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 research showing a clear link between
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
 stress and mental health issues. When the mind
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 unhealthy,
naturaly
Correct your spelling
natural
naturally
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 would be
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
vulnarable
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
 to falling easily sick.
Furthermore
, these workers would be less productive.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 the
Replace the word
effects
show examples
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 go beyond the individual level, and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Correct your spelling
adversely
adversly
Correct your spelling
adversely
. Lack of free
time
 from
work
 means there would be less
time
 for social
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
show examples
,
less
Correct word choice
and less
show examples
 family
time
.
For instance
, the Japanese government realising the social problems that are created due to
this
Correct your spelling
overwork
show examples
over
Correct your spelling
overwork
show examples
work
 culture are implementing strict rules and
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 mandatory
blackout
Fix the agreement mistake
blackouts
show examples
 in the office building to force the workers to go home.
Such
 drastic measures are taken to protect a healthy society.
Correct your spelling
Even though
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 employees would be overwhelmed to have workers who
work
 overtime without any complaint,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the long run it has more dangerous bearings. In conclusion, the increased hours spent at
work
 ignoring
time
 to rest has created many
personnel
Replace the word
personal
show examples
 and social issues.
Submitted by ghm_day on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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