Topic: Health education is an essential aspect of community health. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is often said that people in society should be educated about the importance of well-being in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
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point of view.
To begin
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with, raising awareness of healthiness in public can help to avoid the outbreak of the pandemic. A good example of
this
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is the case of Covid 19 – an infectious disease that shrivelled the population around the world in 2020. During
this
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period, newspapers and media kept people well informed of the measures to minimize the risk of getting infected
such
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as wearing masks, using hand sanitiser, social distancing and so on.
Moreover
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, citizens were advised to have vaccinations to boost their resistance so as to combat the novel virus.
As a result
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, the proportion of confirmed patients nowadays has declined significantly compared to 2020.
In addition
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, health orientation might have a positive impact on community health. To be more specific, it is advisable that everyone should exercise for around 15 to 20 minutes a day to be healthier.
For instance
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, physical education can accelerate a person’s excretion process. By doing so, those who work out can exclude waste products from their internal organs
easier
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more easily
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.
Hence
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, the human body omits bacteria and helps to create antibiotics to improve the immune system so that we can have better physical conditions. In conclusion, the significance of health education within a population is beneficial for both children and adults.
Therefore
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, I believe that the community should be provided with the most updated information for the benefit of their wellness.
Submitted by phamduchien711 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the topic, with relevant examples and ideas. Your ideas are logically structured and well-supported throughout the essay, which aids in maintaining coherence and cohesion. However, ensure that your introduction and conclusion directly address the topic and effectively bookend your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a complete response supported by clear and relevant ideas and examples. Be sure to include an introduction and conclusion that directly address the topic to enhance the task response.
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