Topic: Health education is an essential aspect of community health. Do you agree or disagree?

#topic #health #education #aspect #community

It is often said that people in society should be educated about the importance of well-being in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. In my opinion, I totally agree with

this

point of view.

To begin

with, raising awareness of healthiness in public can help to avoid the outbreak of the pandemic. A good example of

this

is the case of Covid 19 – an infectious disease that shrivelled the population around the world in 2020. During

this

period, newspapers and media kept people well informed of the measures to minimize the risk of getting infected

such

as wearing masks, using hand sanitiser, social distancing and so on.

Moreover

, citizens were advised to have vaccinations to boost their resistance so as to combat the novel virus.

As a result

, the proportion of confirmed patients nowadays has declined significantly compared to 2020.

In addition

, health orientation might have a positive impact on community health. To be more specific, it is advisable that everyone should exercise for around 15 to 20 minutes a day to be healthier.

For instance

, physical education can accelerate a person’s excretion process. By doing so, those who work out can exclude waste products from their internal organs

easier

Correct word choice

more easily

show examples

Hence

, the human body omits bacteria and helps to create antibiotics to improve the immune system so that we can have better physical conditions. In conclusion, the significance of health education within a population is beneficial for both children and adults.

Therefore

, I believe that the community should be provided with the most updated information for the benefit of their wellness.

Submitted by phamduchien711 on Fri Oct 07 2022

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the topic, with relevant examples and ideas. Your ideas are logically structured and well-supported throughout the essay, which aids in maintaining coherence and cohesion. However, ensure that your introduction and conclusion directly address the topic and effectively bookend your essay.

Task Achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a complete response supported by clear and relevant ideas and examples. Be sure to include an introduction and conclusion that directly address the topic to enhance the task response.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic: Health education is an essential aspect of community health. Do you agree or disagree?

Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people say it is better to be unemployed than work in a job you dislike? Do you agree oelr disagree

Many people consider celebrities such as actors and athletes to be their role models. Do you think that people should look up to celebrities as role models? What other types of people are worthy of admiration?

Your workplace does not have a carpark, and it is causing some problems. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter Describe the problems this is causing Explain what benefits a car park would bring to the company Suggest a solution for the car park problem