Topic: Health education is an essential aspect of community health. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is often said that people in society should be educated about the importance of well-being in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. In my opinion, I totally agree with

this

Linking Words

point of view.

To begin

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with, raising awareness of healthiness in public can help to avoid the outbreak of the pandemic. A good example of

this

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is the case of Covid 19 – an infectious disease that shrivelled the population around the world in 2020. During

this

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period, newspapers and media kept people well informed of the measures to minimize the risk of getting infected

such

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as wearing masks, using hand sanitiser, social distancing and so on.

Moreover

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, citizens were advised to have vaccinations to boost their resistance so as to combat the novel virus.

As a result

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, the proportion of confirmed patients nowadays has declined significantly compared to 2020.

In addition

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, health orientation might have a positive impact on community health. To be more specific, it is advisable that everyone should exercise for around 15 to 20 minutes a day to be healthier.

For instance

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, physical education can accelerate a person’s excretion process. By doing so, those who work out can exclude waste products from their internal organs

easier

Correct word choice

more easily

show examples

Hence

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, the human body omits bacteria and helps to create antibiotics to improve the immune system so that we can have better physical conditions. In conclusion, the significance of health education within a population is beneficial for both children and adults.

Therefore

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, I believe that the community should be provided with the most updated information for the benefit of their wellness.

phamduchien711Fri Oct 07 2022

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the topic, with relevant examples and ideas. Your ideas are logically structured and well-supported throughout the essay, which aids in maintaining coherence and cohesion. However, ensure that your introduction and conclusion directly address the topic and effectively bookend your essay.

Task Achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a complete response supported by clear and relevant ideas and examples. Be sure to include an introduction and conclusion that directly address the topic to enhance the task response.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Topic: Health education is an essential aspect of community health. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statments?

More employers are now offering their employees the option to work from home. As a result, employees will have more flexible hours in the future Is this positive or negative development?

You have traveled by air had an unpleasant flight. Write a letter to the airline company Manager about the following: - Describe the flight - Explain what was the problem - ask how this issue can be solved

Many countries raise fuel prices to deal successfully with problems of traffic and polluon. What effects do you think this move can have? What other measures do you think can be taken to reduce traffic and pollution ?

Robots and AI are being developed to replace humans in the workplace Why is this happening? Do you think it will have a positive or negative impact on society?