IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Famous sportsmen often earn a lot more money than people in other professions. Although sport is important in our lives, everyone should be equal and such big incomes of sport professionals are unjustified. Do you agree or disagree

#sportsmen #money #people #professions #sport #lives #incomes #professionals
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Sports are an important part of our lives, they contribute to fitness as well as the entertainment industries but professional sportsmen are paid
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a lot
alot
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a lot
 higher than
people
Use synonyms
 in
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different
differt
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different
field
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fields
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 of
work
Use synonyms
 which in my opinion is fully
justufied
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justified
 and the reasons will unfold as you read
further
Linking Words
. The most
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prominent
prominant
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prominent
 reason why celebrity sportsmen are entitled to the money they make is
due to
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apply
show examples
the fact that they do
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a lot
alot
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a lot
 of
work
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 and training to
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achieve
achive
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achieve
the
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their
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 professional status. They are constantly improving their techniques and methods of playing and aim to
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achieve
achive
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achieve
 greater
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success
sucess
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success
 than the previous time whereas
normal
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a normal
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 job works,
for instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 who
works
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work
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 9-5 do not
work
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 towards improving themselves but
work
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just
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must
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meet
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to meet
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 the company's needs. An excellent example of
this
Linking Words
 is football player Ronaldo, who in
a
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an
show examples
 interview mentioned that he trained 16 hours
everyday
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every day
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 before an important match which in my
views
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view
show examples
 makes him worthy of the money he received in exchange. Another notable
things
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thing
show examples
of
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about
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 being
a
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apply
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famous
sportsmen
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sportsman
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 is that they have no freedom to live their lives like a normal
person
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people
show examples
 and are constantly under pressure to make their fans as well as agents happy with their performance.
For instance
Linking Words
, a popular cricketer in India went on a bike ride with his wife but could not enjoy
because
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it because
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 his fans and paparazzi would not leave them
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alone
show examples
along
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alone
show examples
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even though
eventhough
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even though
 he requested them to let him
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 time with his wife. Fans start to believe that have certain ownership
on
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over
show examples
the
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apply
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that person just because he/she is a celebrity and
therefore
Linking Words
 always expect them to perform with excellence
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where wise
wherewise
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whereas
 the sportsperson is harshly criticised and trolled. In conclusion, I strongly disagree that paying famous sportsperson is unjustified but in
reality
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,reality
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 they deserve the amount they are paid due the
the
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apply
show examples
pressure of
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maintaining
maintaing
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maintaining
an images
Correct the article-noun agreement
images
an image
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 and
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
 agony they are put through
everyday
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every day
show examples
 by the
people
Use synonyms
 who
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 they are just machines and not actual
people
Use synonyms
 with feelings.
Submitted by nina on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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