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Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drinks product contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary product should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drinks #product #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
Since sugary food items and drinks can lead to many health issues and cause serious harm to people consuming them, many recommend that they should be harder to obtain by making them expensive. I completely agree with
this
 opinion and think that it would help promote public health. First of all, I believe that sugar can become an addiction because of how much it feels good when it is eaten, which is an obstacle not to
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 it. So, it would be a good idea to make it more expensive in order to make it harder to obtain. And since money is essential to survival and good living, that way people will think twice before they buy any sugary product.
For example
, when a person is getting a monthly salary, and he or she spends a monthly amount of money to buy manufactured sugary food and drinks, they will reconsider it when they become more expensive.
That is
 why I think that sugary
products
 should become harder to obtain.
Secondly
, having these sugary
products
 cheap and easy to obtain would make them obtainable to everyone including children.
For instance
, a kid would get a very limited amount of money as outgoings, and when these
products
 that contain high levels of sugar are easy to get, they would buy them and eat them irresponsibly, without realizing their danger to it.
Thus
, the advantages of making sugary foods and drinks overpriced are more than keeping them cheap.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that making sugary
products
 costlier is more beneficial than keeping them obtainable at a cheap price.
Submitted by maliksheetal32 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Be mindful of connecting ideas more smoothly to enhance flow. Transition phrases can help weave your paragraphs together more cohesively.
Task Achievement
Including a wider range of specific examples and data to support your argument can enrich your response and add depth to your discussion.
Language
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and aim for sentence variety to elevate your writing style.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear stance throughout.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your argument is commendable, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You utilized relevant examples to support your main points, which helped to solidify your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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