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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children should watch TV regularly both in school and at home? Do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #school #home
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Watching
television
 (especially informative
television
) has been recognised
an
Change preposition
as an
show examples
 effective method of learning because audio-visual information can attract students' attention and engage their interest.
Although
 many TV
programmes
 have educational value, I do not agree that increasing screen time can yield academic benefits for
children
.
Television
 viewing can interfere with
children
's studies and present challenges to their educational attainment. TV
programmes
 can be highly addictive: soap operas
as well as cartoons
Add the comma(s)
, as well as cartoons,
show examples
 attract young viewers with amusing characters, easy-to-understand dialogues and interesting storylines.
Children
 who lack self-
disipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 may
binge watch
Add a hyphen
binge-watch
show examples
 these
programmes
 when they stay at home alone without the supervision of parents. Homework hours will diminish--a problem which can lead to poor grades.
Teachers
 may choose educational
programmes
, but it is the visual input, rather than content, that draws the attention of these
programmes
 is limited. Given
this
, only a moderate
Correct your spelling
amount
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
television
 viewing can be accepted, provided that adults decide what
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 can watch. Some educational
programmes
 spread knowledge with the support of visual information, which is easy to comprehend, especially for viewers who do not have high levels of literacy. By using video teaching material,
teachers
 can explain some difficult concepts and theories in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways that are not empowered by traditional approaches. Documentaries,
for example
, present visual evidence about a historic event and enable viewers to make sense
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 happened at the time easily. Young
children
,
in particular
, have difficulty
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
imagining what life was like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when reading books or listening to the oral accounts of different historical periods by
teachers
. To summarise, parents and
teachers
 should regulate
children
's
television
 viewing, rather than promote
this
 activity. Watching TV can have an adverse impact on
children
's grades
although
 sometimes it can be employed as a teaching tool.
Submitted by lwyohann on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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