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Band 6.5

The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #years #effects #trend
It is considered that there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a 20% increase in overweight
children
 in Western society in the
last
 decade.In
this
 essay, I will discuss the cause of the increasing number of overweight
children
 and possible solutions to
this
 problem. Starting with the reasons for sprouting overweight
children
,
firstly
 the use of unhealthy eating behaviours.In Western societies,
children
 prefer to consume fast
food
 mostly which consists of cheese, sugar and salt.
However
, these foods can be quickly obtained, inexpensive and easily available so consuming excessive amounts of saturated
food
 leads to obesity and severe health issues
such
 as respiratory problems.
Secondly
, not involved in physical activities
in other words
,
children
 spend most of their time watching TV, playing games online and studying
for example
, eating cheez burger accumulates fats in
children
.
Thus
 prolonged eating of fatty
food
 impacts
children
's health.
Furthermore
, parents should be trained to engage their
children
 in any fitness activity
such
 as cycling, walking for an hour and specifically joining a gym so that they can control their weight and keep themselves safe and sound
similarly
 guardians can compel their
children
 to play different physical games with their peers in the playground.
on the other hand
, the government should run awareness programmes
for instance
, Exercise programmes shown on the television including training and usage of equipment so
this
 training helps
children
 to lose their weight and improve their wellbeing.
Therefore
 precautions should be given to
children
while
 eating
food
.
To sum up
, being overweight has negative effects on
children
's strength and
overall
 performance that's why
children
 should be trained to keep themselves physically active.
Submitted by madihaali8470 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the causes and effects of overweight children to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Try to use linking words and phrases more effectively to create smooth transitions between your points.
task achievement
Include more precise examples or statistics to support your arguments and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Clarify some phrases for a clearer understanding, such as "sprouting overweight children."
coherence cohesion
The essay provides an introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The ideas on parental involvement and government programs as solutions are insightful and provide practical solutions to the issue.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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