IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Overpopulation is the cause of number of problems, especially in urban areas. What are its causes? What are its effects?

#overpopulation #areas #effects
Population
Add an article
The population
show examples
 is rising every year in different places around the globe.
This
 can become a problem
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 in
urban
Add an article
the urban
show examples
 sector.
This
 essay will discuss the main cause
such
 as less
land
 to construct houses and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 car traffic.
Therefore
 the principal
effect
Change the noun form
effects
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
Correct article usage
the
show examples
vertical
construction
buildings
Change preposition
of buildings
show examples
 and modernisation of the roads to reduce congestion from the cars
Correct your spelling
Firstly
First
Firsly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 part of the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
population is increasing.
Correct your spelling
This
show examples
Thus
Correct your spelling
This
show examples
 can affect the reduction of
land
 space in the countries affecting the space for
construct
Wrong verb form
constructing
show examples
 house which make
harder
Correct pronoun usage
it harder
show examples
 for
people
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 their own house.
For example
, In
China
Add a comma
,China
show examples
people
 have to buy houses overseas due they are not able to find
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 their own country due the overpopulation.
In addition
Add a comma
,
show examples
this
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the
cars
Correct quantifier usage
number of cars
show examples
 on the
road
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can develop pollution around the urban areas.
For instance
, countries
such
 as India experience a 40% increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cars on the
road
 in urban areas since 4 years ago.
Furthermore
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the highest
populate
Replace the word
populated
show examples
cities have vertical
construction
 of the building to have more
people
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the same
land
.
Consequently
, the
road
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 better constructed and modernise to reduce the traffic
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the different
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 of the cities. In conclusion, we are more
people
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the planet
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
this
 affect the urban area in a negative manner. So the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
that is
 the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
land
 space and the high amount of
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 in the street.
This
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 the
construction
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vertical and improve the
road
construction
 to reduce traffic jams.
Submitted by usoncata on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: