IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and homeless people. What is the cause of the problem? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #care
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Presently, the number of homeless and jobless individuals is in a sharp upward trend across the countries.
Therefore
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, certain
people
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 hold the view that related
government
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 agencies should bear the responsibility to look after their citizens. I advocate the idea that furnishing their citizens with provisions in case of a need is among the utmost priorities for the governments. First and foremost, capitalization brings about more and more
people
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 losing their homes and jobs
due to
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 the high competition. As we live on the edge of AI technology, robots have already commenced taking over human roles in certain areas and automated and repetitive processes are plenty. I think, solely governments can prevent
this
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 displacement from evolving into a large-scale war between machines and humans.
Furthermore
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, they should
place
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 certain restrictions on companies to fire their employees without taking major action.
For example
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, Lafarge Holcim in Azerbaijan ensures that it gives two years of compensation cheques for its employees because of company lay-offs. In alignment with the aforementioned efforts,
government
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 agencies track down the identities of
people
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 without jobs and homes to give them shelter and
place
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 the
people
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 who need special care in nurseries.
Moreover
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, in order to protect these
people
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 who are economically disadvantaged and fall short of a
place
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 to sleep
as well as
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 work to do, governments are obliged to construct ample homes and provide subsidies to help these
people
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. To exemplify
this
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 statement, the
government
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 of Azerbaijan has provided a certain compensation amount to business owners and employees who went bankrupt
as a result
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 of the COVID-19 pandemic. In conclusion, despite the reason for
Add an article
the
show examples
failure of these
people
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 can be a mistake that they made somewhere in their life path,
government
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 offices should be in
place
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 to support their citizens with all the necessary resources.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the question and state your position clearly.
Task Achievement
Include a wider range of examples from different sources or countries to support your arguments better.
Coherence & Cohesion
For Coherence & Cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to develop paragraphs fully with more detailed support for each main point. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, followed by explanations, examples, and results.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your key points and restates your position clearly, reinforcing the significance of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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