some people think that compettion at work ,at school, in a daily life is a good things others belive that we should try to cooperate more rather then it .

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Some
individuals
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contend that
competition
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enhances our lives,
whereas
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I,
along with
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others, maintain that cooperation is more beneficial. Stronger relationships and increased innovation are key benefits of a cooperative environment,
according to
Linking Words
many
people
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. They argue that when
individuals
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work together, it fosters trust and builds strong connections, creating a supportive community.
Additionally
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, these collaborative settings often spark creativity and innovation, as diverse perspectives contribute to the generation of new ideas.
For instance
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, if a new company relies on diverse perspectives, it is likely to create more accurate and effective products.
In addition
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to these benefits, I believe that a cooperative environment empowers
individuals
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to showcase their abilities as they work towards achieving their goals. When
people
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collaborate, they can leverage each other's strengths, provide support, and encourage one another, which enhances
overall
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motivation and increases the likelihood of success. It
also
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plays a critical role in their well-being, because if the environment is supportive and collaborative,
individuals
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are more likely to feel valued and respected.
This
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positive atmosphere can reduce stress and anxiety, leading to greater job satisfaction and
overall
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happiness.
While
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some
people
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argue that
competition
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is the primary motivator for hard work and achieving better positions in life and it should be an essential part of our lives if we want to be winners, I reject
this
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notion.
Although
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competition
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can sometimes drive us toward success, it can
also
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distract us from our core goals and create environments where our achievements are not fully recognized .
This
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emphasis on
competition
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can lead to stress and a lack of collaboration, ultimately hindering both personal and collective growth. In conclusion, cooperation should be an integral part of every workplace rather than
competition
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, which undermines the fundamental reasons
people
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come together.
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to make your argument more convincing. For instance, you could mention specific studies or instances where cooperation has led to success in workplace or academic settings.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully developed and supported. Some of your arguments could benefit from additional elaboration to strengthen your overall position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph logically follows the previous one. A stronger emphasis on transitions between ideas will improve the overall structure.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and presents your position effectively.
introduction conclusion
You have a strong conclusion that reinforces your main points and restates your position succinctly.
supported main points
Your main points are mostly well-supported and logically structured.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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