IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, young children are looked after during the day while their parents go to work. In a sense, they are raised by guardians and not their biological parents. What is your opinion of this family arrangement?

#countries #children #parents #work #sense #guardians #arrangement
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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, rearing
children
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 by their grandparents has become a controversial argument. Whilst some proponents emphasise that
this
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 is a normal trend because of
this
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 accelerating era, opponents and I adopt a diverse stance because
this
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 may widen the gap between
children
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 and their fosters.
Additionally
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,
this
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 may pose financial burdens on
parents
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. In
this
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 essay, my contention will be
further
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 elaborated. To embark on, despite being ubiquitous, breadwinners have become significantly busy, and they resort to leaving
children
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 with babysitters or even grandparents.
This
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 means that when guardians are at work, teenagers spend the vast majority of their
time
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 with non-biological
parents
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, and
this
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 has a detrimental impact on young people's emotional health. An eminent example of
this
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 is the overwhelming majority of Egyptian fosters who endeavour to spend a large proportion of their day working.
Therefore
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, in a final analysis, parental programmes should be established in order to encourage
parents
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 to manage and share their
time
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 with their
children
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.
Furthermore
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, a plethora of
parents
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 rely on babysitters, but
this
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 may put financial pressure on their shoulders.
In other words
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, if nannies are recruited, they have to be paid on a monthly
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
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, and
this
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 may not be affordable.
This
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 can be witnessed in the United States of America nannies where nannies usually receive lucrative payments.
Accordingly
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, the fiscal factor when recruiting servants is quintessential. In conclusion,
after
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this
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 essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that not only
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children-rearing
Correct your spelling
child-rearing
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requires
Wrong verb form
require
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 a plethora of
time
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 and effort, but
also
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 it needs monetary preparations. Eventually, I am a staunch believer that the emotional and psychological well-being of adolescents is worth
time
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, effort and money as well.
Submitted by ericssonsony551 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and elaborate further on the arguments presented to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use transitions to improve the coherence of the essay.
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