IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Everybody should expect to have more than one career these days. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #everybody #career
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With the world growing faster, people need to
work
Use synonyms
 hard to overcome inflation and improve their economic status.
Nevertheless
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, many people assert to have more than one occupation, while others reject
this
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 notion. I believe that having multiple
jobs
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 will contribute to
health
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 issues and drastic side effects.
Firstly
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, people who tend to have multiple
jobs
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 have to
work
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 more than half a day. Considering that they have to compromise on their children's education and family values. In my neighbourhood household,
for example
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, they had no
focus
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 on their children's education due to which the kid lost
focus
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 on the exams and
thus
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 impacted his results. As parents, it is their responsibility to guide their kids in the right direction and motivate them to achieve their goals which will be given up if the parents
focus
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 on
work
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.
Furthermore
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, doing multiple
jobs
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 has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative impacts
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
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. It may lead to stress as they need to handle the pressure from both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies.
Moreover
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, there could be a scenario that may lead to
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impression at the
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Correct your spelling
workplace
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work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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 due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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in
Change preposition
of
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focus
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 to
Correct your spelling
achieve
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 the target within the given timeline.
For instance
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, one of my
colleague
Fix the agreement mistake
colleagues
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, who took multiple
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 was fired due to poor
work
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 performance,
also
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she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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had to go through
the
Correct article usage
apply
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various
health
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 concerns. To conclude, despite the fact, working in multiple
jobs
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 may yield more money and value.
However
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, In my opinion, I strongly believe that think it will result in poor
health
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 and mental stress.
Submitted by vivekv4 on

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