IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Everybody should expect to have more than one career these days. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #everybody #career
With the world growing faster, people need to
work
 hard to overcome inflation and improve their economic status.
Nevertheless
, many people assert to have more than one occupation, while others reject
this
 notion. I believe that having multiple
jobs
 will contribute to
health
 issues and drastic side effects.
Firstly
, people who tend to have multiple
jobs
 have to
work
 more than half a day. Considering that they have to compromise on their children's education and family values. In my neighbourhood household,
for example
, they had no
focus
 on their children's education due to which the kid lost
focus
 on the exams and
thus
 impacted his results. As parents, it is their responsibility to guide their kids in the right direction and motivate them to achieve their goals which will be given up if the parents
focus
 on
work
.
Furthermore
, doing multiple
jobs
 has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative impacts
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
. It may lead to stress as they need to handle the pressure from both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies.
Moreover
, there could be a scenario that may lead to
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impression at the
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
focus
 to
Correct your spelling
achieve
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 the target within the given timeline.
For instance
, one of my
colleague
Fix the agreement mistake
colleagues
show examples
, who took multiple
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 was fired due to poor
work
 performance,
also
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had to go through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various
health
 concerns. To conclude, despite the fact, working in multiple
jobs
 may yield more money and value.
However
, In my opinion, I strongly believe that think it will result in poor
health
 and mental stress.
Submitted by vivekv4 on

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