IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

#overpopulation #centres #world
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The
number
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 of
people
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 living in major urban
centres
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 is increasing, which has become a big burden. The main reason for
this
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 is the greater
number
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 of workplaces in the inner-city
centres
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, and a viable solution is to balance
this
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 disparity by developing more employment opportunities in remote
areas
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. The amount of job opportunities with higher wages in borough centre
areas
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 is far more than in distant territories.
This
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 results in better living conditions in
centres
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. Better housing and more income are what
people
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 are enticed by. They buy anything they would like and
also
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 live in incredible settings.
As a result
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, individuals are inclined to reside there. Whenever I get a chance to travel to an urban centre area, I always see remarkable edifices and homes,
people
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 being busy doing their work, and expensive cars. A solution that would prove successful is for the government to develop employment opportunities with reasonable remuneration outside urban hubs.
This
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, in turn, would result in improved living conditions in these places;
people
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 may be less prone to migrate, helping to balance population distribution and alleviate the burden on major city
centres
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.
For example
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, in the city of Athens, the ministry realized what was the cause of overpopulation in the city’s cores.
That is
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 why they added more workplaces in remote
areas
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.
This
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 successfully resolved the issue; the
number
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 of
people
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 in the urban centre and the outskirts started to balance out.
To conclude
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, the major problem of overcrowded metropolitan
centres
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 stems from the imbalance of employment between these
centres
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 and the outskirts.
This
Linking Words
 issue can be partly alleviated by government action with some policies destined to increase the
number
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 of workplaces in suburban
areas
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.
Submitted by marichkhobadze133 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on refining your transitions between ideas, ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. This will enhance overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Try to provide a more specific example or evidence to support your point. For instance, give statistical data or real-life scenarios.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully framing the problem and solution.
task achievement
The response addresses all parts of the task, discussing both causes and potential solutions of overpopulation.
coherence cohesion
Complex sentences and varied vocabulary are used effectively throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes a good, specific example (Athens) which helps to elaborate on the solution proposed.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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