IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar; which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, many companies have created a series of food and beverage which contain high amounts of
sugar
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 to compensate for the consumers' taste.
Therefore
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,
this
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 tends to make a society full of
people
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 with health troubles. I completely agree with selling sugary
products
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 at a higher price. As normally we know, these kinds of foods and drinks are always more tasty and awesome. The
sugar
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 contain in the
products
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 always stimulates a body hormone called dopamine, which will make
people
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 feel happier and more excited.
This
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 may be a reason why
people
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 love sugary
products
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.
However
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, if a person takes an excessive
sugar
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 level,
this
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 will increase the blood glucose level to an abnormal level. In serious cases, the liver of
people
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 who cannot function well will lead to diabetes and move on to heart attack or even stroke. Few companies have taken an action by higher the prices of more
sugar
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 content
products
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.
This
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 makes a good starting point for everyone who still wants to buy and must be paid for a higher cost.
Besides
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 that, it can encourage
people
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 to think wisely and smartly before buying. For sure, it will save lots of money by not buying these kinds of
products
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.
Furthermore
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, it will not be an excuse for some
people
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 that want to have a less
sugar
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 meal as they can
afford
Correct pronoun usage
itafford
show examples
. In my conclusion, putting higher prices on sugary
products
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 may give a good response from the public and force them not to buy or buy lesser.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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