IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #music #cultures #ages
Music
 is considered a beautiful
form
 of art,
Its
Correct your spelling
It's
show examples
 argued by some that
music
 can be a great
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 of getting
people
 from different backgrounds together .
This
 essay will argue how
this
form
 of art can be an extremely helpful tool to bring
a different kinds
Correct the article-noun agreement
a different kind
different kinds
show examples
 of
people
 together ,but
also
 why each
culture
 has its own taste in
music
. On the
one
 hand ,
music
 can be considered a universal language.and
one
 that can bring all kinds of
people
 from all nationalities under
one
 rood .
this
 probably because
music
 is easily understood ,we do not need an interpretation to make us analyze what we hear .
for example
, we find
people
 immediately start dancing once the
music
start
Change the form of the verb
started
show examples
 regarding whether they understood the context or not. Indeed
music
 unites
people
 irrespective of their cultural background.
On the other hand
, special
music
 related to each
culture
 can reflect their own taste in
music
 ,and
one
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
might not find wide acceptance on a global level.
One
 major reason for
that is
 the language used in
this
music
 can be unacceptable in other areas of the world.
In other words
, what is accepted in
one
 country, can be perceived as taboo in another .
for instance
 ,some rap
music
 contains offensive language that can be totally unaccepted
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in some cultures regarding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the age of the listener .At the end of the
day
Add a comma
,day
show examples
 each
culture
 has its own special
form
 of
music
 . In conclusion,
this
 essay argued why the art of
music
 is a nice way of uniting nations . In my opinion ,while different populations can agree on some
form
 of
music
,there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 special
music
 special for each
culture
 .
Submitted by osama_elneel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: