Some information in films, books and on the Internet has a negative influence on young people. Some people think that such information should be controlled. Give your opinion on both sides of view use your own experience and example.

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While
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various
content
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provided by
both
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physical and online materials,
such
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as magazines and websites, have a harmful impact on the youth, some
people
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assert that
such
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information should be censored.
This
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essay will discuss
both
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perspectives on
this
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matter and will conclude with personal thoughts. First and foremost, one compelling argument supporting
media
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control is that it can hinder easy
access
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to violent
content
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from young
people
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. Since nowadays digital devices, which allow them to browse a wide range of information at any time, are prevalent, even educational institutions provide them to young children to foster their academic studies.
This
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is because restrictions on Internet usage can play a pivotal role in protecting adolescents from detrimental sites. Specifically, without careful consideration, they may face identity thefts and fake news, leading to undermining their safety and misunderstanding.
Therefore
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, nations should establish regulations on
media
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access
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among young
people
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.
On the other hand
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, one grave concern about
such
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regulations is that
this
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may impede their processes of developing interests in new perspectives.
This
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is because, in
this
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society, the Internet has offered ample information to the public, which is advantageous to enhance their academic performance and raise awareness of social issues. To illustrate, YouTube is one of the renowned social
media
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, which can exert a powerful influence over the public as it encompasses various types of
content
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.
Thus
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,
while
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watching YouTube, young
people
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unintentionally encounter a part of social issues close to their lives,
such
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as a significant change of conditions in a nearby lake, which is caused by climate change.
As a result
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, they eventually realize how impactful climate change is.
Therefore
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,
access
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to various
media
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can benefit
both
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the youth and society. In conclusion,
while
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regulating
access
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to
media
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serves to protect young
people
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from detrimental
content
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, it can eliminate an opportunity to be aware of social issues and learning processes. In my opinion,
although
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I strongly believe that
both
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perspectives are beneficial, governments should strive to strike a balance for offering safe
content
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to young generations.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines what will be discussed. However, try to make your thesis statement a bit more specific regarding your stance to provide a clearer roadmap for your reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your first body paragraph, ensure that you more explicitly link your ideas to the benefits of media control, responding directly to the prompt. This will enhance the clarity of your argument.
Task Achievement
While your examples are relevant, consider providing more detail or a second example to reinforce your points. This will strengthen your argument and provide more substance to your discussion.
Content
You have successfully outlined both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach to the discussion. This is commendable as it reflects critical thinking and consideration of multiple viewpoints.
Cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, with clear transitions between ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your thoughts.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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