IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#range #technology #people #gap #effect
Some people argue that the advent of
technology
 has created a disparity between the upper and the lower classes;
however
, others possess different perspectives on the existence of
technology
 in
this
 modern era.
This
 essay will demonstrate whether
technology
 varies segments of
society
 and stand on the belief that
technology
 has been accessed publicly. On the one hand, people who advocate the disadvantages of
technology
 believe that its existence only poses inequality in
society
 classes.
This
 imbalance adoption of
technology
 occurs because not all levels of
society
 can afford the tools to provide access to
technology
such
 as gadgets,
internet
 connection, knowledge, etc.
In addition
, the difference in infrastructure especially in rural areas
also
 worsens the conditions
such
 as the unsustainability of electricity supply, lack of digital literacy, and unaffordable
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
internet
 prices.
Therefore
, accessibility of
technology
 can only be reached by a certain class of
society
.
On the other hand
, with the increasing number of people relying on
internet
 use in their daily lives,
technology
 has been prevalent for all categories of
society
.
Moreover
, when the pandemic in 2019 happened in all countries,
technology
 changed people’s lives
for example
 working, learning, serving, and many others
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online. To overcome the barriers in
society
, the government has been so proactive in providing public access to
technology
 by subsidizing
internet
 connection for students in all regions, providing digital literacy for teachers, and creating e-government systems to serve
society
. Stakeholders
such
 as
internet
 provider corporations
also
 take a part in supporting a balance of access by creating several affordable services for
internet
 connection and widening their operation to rural areas by special offerings. In conclusion, the gap in technological influence will never occur if governments and stakeholders play a role in maintaining the balance of accessibility and support at all levels of
society
 in all regions of the country.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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content
Ensure that your introduction clearly states both sides of the argument. You have done well in presenting the topic, but it could be more explicit in outlining what each side believes.
content
Expand on the examples provided to make them more specific and illustrative. For example, while mentioning government efforts, indicating which countries or specific programs would strengthen your arguments.
structure and flow
Work on fluency by joining shorter sentences to create a smoother flow. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
structure and flow
Provide a brief summary of the main points in your conclusion to reinforce your argument. Your conclusion is good, but a little more detail would make it stronger.
language
Avoid repeating words or phrases. For instance, the word 'technology' is used very frequently. Use synonyms or rephrase sentences to maintain the reader's interest.
structure and flow
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
You have adequately discussed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
content
The examples and explanations provided are relevant to the topic and support your main points well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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