IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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Some people argue that the advent of
technology
Use synonyms
 has created a disparity between the upper and the lower classes;
however
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, others possess different perspectives on the existence of
technology
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 in
this
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 modern era.
This
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 essay will demonstrate whether
technology
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 varies segments of
society
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 and stand on the belief that
technology
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 has been accessed publicly. On the one hand, people who advocate the disadvantages of
technology
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 believe that its existence only poses inequality in
society
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 classes.
This
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 imbalance adoption of
technology
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 occurs because not all levels of
society
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 can afford the tools to provide access to
technology
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such
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 as gadgets,
internet
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 connection, knowledge, etc.
In addition
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, the difference in infrastructure especially in rural areas
also
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 worsens the conditions
such
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 as the unsustainability of electricity supply, lack of digital literacy, and unaffordable
of
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apply
show examples
internet
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 prices.
Therefore
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, accessibility of
technology
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 can only be reached by a certain class of
society
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.
On the other hand
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, with the increasing number of people relying on
internet
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 use in their daily lives,
technology
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 has been prevalent for all categories of
society
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.
Moreover
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, when the pandemic in 2019 happened in all countries,
technology
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 changed people’s lives
for example
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 working, learning, serving, and many others
by
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apply
show examples
online. To overcome the barriers in
society
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, the government has been so proactive in providing public access to
technology
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 by subsidizing
internet
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 connection for students in all regions, providing digital literacy for teachers, and creating e-government systems to serve
society
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. Stakeholders
such
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 as
internet
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 provider corporations
also
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 take a part in supporting a balance of access by creating several affordable services for
internet
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 connection and widening their operation to rural areas by special offerings. In conclusion, the gap in technological influence will never occur if governments and stakeholders play a role in maintaining the balance of accessibility and support at all levels of
society
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 in all regions of the country.

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content
Ensure that your introduction clearly states both sides of the argument. You have done well in presenting the topic, but it could be more explicit in outlining what each side believes.
content
Expand on the examples provided to make them more specific and illustrative. For example, while mentioning government efforts, indicating which countries or specific programs would strengthen your arguments.
structure and flow
Work on fluency by joining shorter sentences to create a smoother flow. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
structure and flow
Provide a brief summary of the main points in your conclusion to reinforce your argument. Your conclusion is good, but a little more detail would make it stronger.
language
Avoid repeating words or phrases. For instance, the word 'technology' is used very frequently. Use synonyms or rephrase sentences to maintain the reader's interest.
structure and flow
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
You have adequately discussed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
content
The examples and explanations provided are relevant to the topic and support your main points well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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