IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?

#countries #people #music #concerts
People
 argue that in some parts of the
world
 a minority of infants and teenagers have attended classical live performances or practised a classical musical instrument. In my view,
this
 is an example of the social-classes division. It is universally acknowledged that only children who belong to the upper class of their country can afford to have
this
 leisure activity. In my ,essay I will
first
, develop my thoughts about
this
 topic and
secondly
, I will give my point of view on encouraging
people
 to be interested in classical
music
.
To begin
 with, some hobbies and leisure activities can not be practised by the largest categories of the
world
's population. Due to the cost of the types of equipment and facilities, leisure activities
such
 as playing Golf, tennis or a musical instrument can be practised only by a minor category of
people
, who have the budget to pay the fees.
In addition
, taking the example of the classical
music
 industry, I am truly convinced that the social and environmental aspect plays a key role.
For instance
, 40% of
people
 attracted by
this
music
 have among their family and friends, individuals who are passionate about it.
However
,
although
 a large part of the
world
's citizens can not take part in any activity related to classical
music
, worldwide governments must integrate a subject linked to classical
music
 in school programs for different reasons.
First
 of all,
this
 action will allow pupils to know the basics about
this
 topic and enhance their cultures.
Secondly
, and as a consequence of the action mentioned previously, having a specific degree of knowledge about
this
 industry could trigger passion. To sum up, alongside some specific activities like playing tennis and Golf, attend to a live concert or being a member of the classical
music
 culture is reserved for a small sample of the
world
's population.
However
, it would be interesting to encourage youngsters to know more about
this
 kind of
music
.
Submitted by ngumba.pro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: