IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to stops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

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Technology plays an integral part in our lives. No one can deny the fact that the local markets will disappear in the near future
due to
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 the growth of e-commerce. I am inclined to disagree with
this
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 certain segment.
This
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 essay aims to discuss my Perspectives, which will elaborate on in forthcoming paragraphs. First and foremost, Some people do not have enough knowledge to access these innovations
such
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 as Smartphones, laptops and so on.
As a result
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 of
this
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, the majority of the older generation can be distracted by their work when they doing e-banking. To illustrate my point, in rural areas in Sri Lanka, folks do not interfere with digitalization
due to
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 the lack of resources so they strive to transactions using cash on hand.
Therefore
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, I think, the physical shops will be grown as compared with the online stores.
Moreover
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, job opportunities are significantly decreasing because of the development in the e-financial industry.
Consequently
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, the unemployed population are rising and they become stressed
due to
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 the lack of occupations.
For instance
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. The modern era has shown that companies not only small but
also
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 retail Shops are keen to encounter the online system used by lower staff. Since non-online payment should be comparable as compared with online- technology. In conclusion, all the shops will be closed in the future because of growing transactions,
although
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, I disagree with
this
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 phenomenon because some people do not engage with the e-banking method. I consider that lack of exposure to electronic tools and not having job markets are pressing issues in
this
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 industry. So the responsible authorization should be aware of these situations.

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General
To further improve your essay, consider diversifying your sentence structures and vocabulary to add more depth and interest. Additionally, focusing on more precise and varied examples can strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
General
Conducting a final proofread can help catch and correct minor inaccuracies or errors, enhancing the overall quality of your essay.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing your argument and providing a clear stance on the topic.
Coherence
You have done an excellent job of maintaining coherence throughout the essay by logically organizing your ideas and transitioning smoothly between paragraphs.
Task Response
Your essay addresses the task directly and provides a complete response, discussing relevant ideas and examples to support your perspective.
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