IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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A lot of foods and drinks produced in factories involve high
levels
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 of
sugar
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, which leads to various health problems. in regards to preventing
people
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 to use, choosing a high
price
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 on these
products
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 should be considered. I completely disagree with
this
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 solution and believe other main solutions should be enforced. The higher
price
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 of
products
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 that make up
sugar
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 would not prevent individuals from having less
sugar
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 usage. Since
people
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 from the middle and high Scio-economy
levels
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 can afford to buy them that their numbers are considerably high. In the other words,
people
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 with an acceptable salary would not care about the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 and would purchase them.
Also
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, it might have a marginal effect on
people
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 from under privilege societies because these
products
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 are tempting to human appetite.
Consequently
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, it would not be beneficial to rise the health of societies. From my perspective, there are other fundamental measures to be taken.
First
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 and foremost, the government should hold some programs via both mass media and workshops to raise
people
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’s awareness about the damaging effects of utilizing these
products
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.
For instance
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, the workshops can be run with doctors to explain various diseases which brought, namely obesity and diabetes.
Furthermore
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, passing laws for factories regarding banning consuming high
levels
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 of
sugar
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 in their
products
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, and setting standard amounts. In
this
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 way, the government should determine some
people
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 to enforce these regulations on all manufacturers. In conclusion, the high
levels
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 of
sugar
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 utilized in most manufactured
products
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 leads to some health problems, which by raising their
price
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, have been wanted to deter
people
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 to consume. I disagree, owing to its less influence.
Moreover
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, I contend that other steps should be taken,
such
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 as giving information about detrimental consequences and determining standard
levels
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 of utilizing
sugar
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 in food and drink
products
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.
Submitted by nilanbarzadeh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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