IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over how to become a high-achiever.
While
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 some claim that getting to institutions is the sole approach to
become
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becoming
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 fruitful, the opposite makes a statement that it has heavy dependence on alternatives.
While
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 it has its own merits, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of a doubt, institutions bring greatly tremendous impacts on
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people
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’s success. Currently,
people
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 live in a society based on qualifications, particularly, not only established but
also
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 actual corporations all require their applicants’ academic degrees from prestigious universities.
For instance
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, students who graduated from reputed academics in Vietnam
such
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 as National Economics University or Foreign Trade University will gain more opportunities to be employed by leading companies in the region
such
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 as Vin Group, Sun Group and FPT.
Thus
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, getting into universities plays a paramount significant role in
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people
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’s
sucess
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success
.
While
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 the importance of enrolling in colleges is widely acknowledged, the accomplishment of
people
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 has a heavy reliance on other elements, especially
skills
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. When
people
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 have skill sets, they will make value for their enterprises as soon as possible without spending time on training. Communication
skills
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, time management
skills
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 or problem-solving
skills
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 can be cited as compelling instances of elements for
people
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 to gain more opportunities to be employed by reputed companies.
Therefore
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, sets of soft
skills
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 contribute to
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people
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’s achievements. In conclusion,
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people
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’s fruitfulness is not only dependent on going to universities but
also
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 on alternative factors
such
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 as helpful
skills
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.

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices and transition words to strengthen the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Enhance your essay by providing more specific examples and elaborating on how universities and alternative factors contribute to success in more detail.
language
Ensure clarity and precision in your language to enhance the reader's understanding. Avoid overcomplicated sentences that might confuse the reader.
task achievement
Balance your essay by discussing each side of the argument evenly. Ensure your personal stance is clear but also demonstrate a thorough examination of opposing views.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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