Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantges?

#people #lives #disadvantges

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It is observed that some individuals love to devote most of their time to the

place

Use synonyms

where they cried first in their lives.

Additionally

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, there can be certain reasons behind

this

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. In

this

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essay, I will justify the causes of

this

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situation and I think the benefits are more than drawbacks.

To begin

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with the possible causes, the first and foremost is that some individuals intend to keep their memories alive.

For instance

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, when they live at their birthplaces

then

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that not only realises them about their precise time of life but

also

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makes them feel better.

Therefore

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, to live happily and to refresh their childhood, they prefer to live there.

Moreover

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, they

also

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get a chance to meet with their childhood friends every day.

Furthermore

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, there are some advantages to

this

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thing. First of all, living in the same

place

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makes them contribute to society in a positive way.

For example

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, when they live in the same

place

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quite

Change preposition

for quite

show examples

while

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, it helps them to realize what are the things that can be changed to serve better people. Take the example of a famous singer of North India Sidhu Mosse Wala,

although

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he was the most famous singer, he used to live where he was born.

Whereas

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most singers in the Northern part of India move to foreign countries for their safety, he was a

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

different man than others because he wanted to spend his money on that

place

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to make it better, as he was living there, he knew better what is good or bad.

However

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, despite having advantages, there are certain drawbacks.

Firstly

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, there is a concern about safety. As I mentioned above, though Sidhu Moose Wala used to live in his own

place

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, he was murdered because of that reason. Since everybody knew where he was living, there was less privacy. In conclusion, even though living in the same

place

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is good, one should not neglect the cons of

this

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thing.

Submitted by simranjot0002 on Sat May 18 2024

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coherence and cohesion

Work on improving your logical structure. Ensure that your sentences and paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next. This might involve using more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas better.

task achievement

While your response addresses the task, try to delve deeper into your points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.

coherence and cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.

task achievement

Your essay provides relevant specific examples, which help illustrate your points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

326 words

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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed contries should give other types of help to the poor contries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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