IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that what individuals do to protect cannot make difference, others say that individuals can protect environment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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While
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 some claim that human efforts to safeguard the
environment
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 are ineffective, others assert that
people
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 may make a difference in the
environment
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. A number of
people
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 maintain that
people
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 are unable to conserve the surroundings regardless of any actions taken,
whereas
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 others believe the opposite. The writer of
this
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 essay agrees with the second group of individuals
due to
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 the fact tiny contributions may turn the table and will shed light on the core factors in the latter. It must be noted why residents think of a pessimistic trend. One potential culprit is the size of a person,
in other words
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, their dedication is insufficient in order to change the whole world, which is worthless and meaningless. The ability to attract the governments is inadequate and
therefore
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, cannot form an enormous group and littering in recent days, does not appeal to citizens,
in contrast
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, only scientists and environmentalists worldwide.
For instance
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, there is not a representative person to speak for
this
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 in any newspaper or news,
nevertheless
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, merely researchers, and they cannot even draw the attention of the public.
On the contrary
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, there is,
however
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, a crowd that thinks differently, which is more optimistic. The predominant reason for
this
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 may be observed in a more specific and practical example which is work in everyday life, a tough and problematic project is overdue within days, thereby, a human cannot complete it perfectly.
However
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, if there are more personnel, the issue will be tackled
due to
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 cooperation. The problem of the
environment
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 is similar to the given point, which involves coordination and interaction between individuals, despite tiny devotion, it can be enlarged by gathering
people
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 around and propagating them to protect the ecosystem. When the group is large enough in size, it should catch the attention of both the authorities and citizens around. In my opinion, I would lean to the viewpoint that we can do something to shield our
environment
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 in light of the fact that numerous issues previously had been resolved by the collaboration of countless humans. Recommendations would be to educate society to enhance their awareness about the ecosystem,
such
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 as teaching students our current condition and the possible consequences in the near future. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the second crowd of the community
due to
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 the aforementioned merits. I
also
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 suggest using education power as the main weapon to defend
this
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in your arguments by avoiding repetitive expressions. For example, the introductory paragraph could be more concise.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This can help make your points more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
Work on varying your sentence structures to maintain reader engagement. This can also help to underscore your main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs for both viewpoints, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You address the task effectively, discussing both views and providing your own opinion with supporting reasons.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and reinforces the main points raised in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • eco-friendly
  • collective impact
  • grassroots movements
  • systemic changes
  • sustainable products
  • environmental degradation
  • coordinated actions
  • policy changes
  • environmental-friendly policies
  • advocacy efforts
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