Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary world,
technology
is an unavoidable phenomenon in human
life
, because it provides us
many
Change preposition
with many
show examples
advantages, and today
children
are more tend to utilize electronic
devices
for log hours compared to the past.
Although
, encourage them for extracurricular
activities
are help to keep them healthy and
actively
Replace the word
active
show examples
because these
activities
also
are crucial parts of their overall
life
. I partially agree with
this
statement, because both sides have significance for their
life
. To commence with, nowadays a majority of
children
are incline
Change the verb form
are inclined
show examples
to consume technological
devices
such
as computers, phones and tablets these
devices
are more beneficial to their education because they can utilize
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
information
searchers
Correct the article-noun agreement
searcher
show examples
, these
devices
are aid
Change the verb form
are aiding
are aided
show examples
them to access any information about that they are required educational information.
Moreover
, another important of utilizing
technology
is that learning these things
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
them to develop their creative thinking.
For instance
, according to a study, by the University of Oxford that research,
children
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
exposure to video game
activities
can aid to increase their critical thinking.
Thus
, entertainment would help to relax and amuse.
On the other hand
, excessive consumption of
technology
can lead to negative affect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
's growth. Because can affect diseases.
For example
, according to a study, long hours sitting in the same place can lead to obesity. participating
outdoor
Change preposition
in outdoor
show examples
activities
could prevent diseases because overconsumption of
technology
deprives physical
activities
,
as a result
, they become lazy, which is why
incline
Correct article usage
the incline
show examples
towards sports is a vital part of
children
's growth. if they
are not involve
Change the verb form
do not involve
show examples
outdoor
Change preposition
in outdoor
show examples
activities
which can affect their health.
Therefore
, active people become energetic people. It would positively affect their education and intellectual knowledge improvement. In conclusion, after a thorough analysis of the topic, today
children
's more time dependant on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
because
technology
is an essential element
children's
Change preposition
of children's
show examples
life
.
However
, spending some time on extracurricular
activities
like sports would assist certainly keep their health development.
Submitted by Sasha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: