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Band 6

Some people believe that car-free days are effective ways to reduce air pollution. However, others argue that there are other ways that are more effective. Discuss both views and give your and give your own opinion.

#people #car-free #air #pollution
There are controversial perspectives heating a debate over
air
pollution
.
While
 some claim that car-free days are effective means of reducing
air
 deterioration, the opposite makes a statement that there are more effective methods available.
While
 the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advocate of the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt, people believe that the main cause of
air
pollution
 is
transportation
 through its emissions of greenhouse
gasses
Correct your spelling
gases
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. But
transportation
 is responsible for just 22
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of carbon dioxide emissions. The building sector is responsible for 31
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, mostly the result of heating and
air
-conditioning systems. To cope with
this
 urgent problem, the government should paint roofs white, plant trees to shade buildings and choose lighter-coloured paving to reduce the carbon footprint.
Hence
, white paint is one of the methods that the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 should use to reduce the carbon dioxide from heating and
air
-conditioning systems.
On the other hand
, I believe that there are more useful ways to deal with
air
 deterioration
such
 as public
transportation
.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 explanation for
this
 could be that investing in public transport can allow people to switch from private vehicles to public transport and reduce the individual
transportation
 on the road.
For example
, Japan’s efficient public
transportation
 system in Tokyo
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 significantly reduces cars and lowers
air
pollution
 by providing extensive train and subway networks.
Therefore
, investing in public
transportation
 is one of the methods to improve
air
 quality. In conclusion,
although
 a day without cars can be effective, there are numerous ways to improve
air
pollution
such
 as investing in public
transportation
 and white paint.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are clearly explained and well-supported with specific examples. For instance, when mentioning the benefits of public transportation, discuss specific measures and their direct impact on air quality.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions to make the ideas flow more naturally from one to another. For example, connecting the ideas of white paint and public transport through transitional phrases can improve the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs for different viewpoints and a solid conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic comprehensively, discussing both views and presenting your own opinion effectively.
task achievement
The examples, such as Japan’s public transportation system, are relevant and help to illustrate your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • emissions standards
  • renewable energy
  • environmentally friendly
  • public transportation
  • pedestrian zones
  • commuter behavior
  • awareness
  • incentives
  • air pollution
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