IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #illnesses #lifestyles #diets #health #care
Nowadays some
people
 are of the opinion that if some individuals do not maintain their health properly, they should pay more, while others think it should not work like
this
. I completely agree with the
first
 group of
people
 and it will be discussed in the scope of
this
 essay. On the one hand, financials is a perfect incentive.
First
, some of us start caring about our health only when we see bills. At that moment it is clear to them, that they should have treated themselves more carefully. As a perfect example, the statistics show that it is many times cheaper to visit a doctor a few times per year
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 than wait until it is too late and you can not afford to pay for surgery.
Second
, it
people
 get something even for free, they tend not to appreciate it. A person might think that,
for instance
, his or her insurance company would cover all expenses. As an example of it, some
people
 stopped looking after their teeth, because they thought that it will be easier for them to go to a dentist and fix their problem at the very
last
 moment for free. Actually,
this
 program was closed quite soon after the government realized that
this
 approach does not work.
On the other hand
, I believe that
people
 who invest a lot of their own time and resources should not pay for the ones, who do not do it. In my opinion, it is unfair and may break the system since the firsts may stop continue following a healthy lifestyle. It works the same way in different spheres. As an example, if some employees did not pull their weight for some reason, the ones who
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 a great job soon will be demotivated. In conclusion, while some
people
 think that we need to share all of our expenses equally, from my perspective, I suppose it will only do more harm than good. By that, I mean that
people
 should
accountable
Replace the word
account
show examples
 for their health and stay motivated to do that.
Submitted by logan.keller on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • burden
  • lifestyle-related diseases
  • healthcare systems
  • personal responsibility
  • preventable diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • ethical considerations
  • penalizing
  • discrimination
  • socio-economic groups
  • deterrent
  • health education
  • financial penalties
  • health inequalities
  • access to healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health goals
  • promoting healthy lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: