IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this.To what extent do you agree?

Having a decent health service is a human’s basic right that they expect in return for the tax they pay.
Although
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 many
people
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 argue that searching for new prevention
methods
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 would be beneficial, another group’s perspective is completely different and claims that governments have to assign more money for the treatment. I agree with the
second
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 idea to some extent. Nowadays, most
people
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 are suffering from some hereditary diseases that have not been prevented, while the highest percentage of them are treated all over the world. To explain more, only a few genetic diseases that are given to the
next
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 generation can be prevented, but almost all of them are treated.
In addition
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, there are a large number of illnesses or injuries that individuals are dealing with because the fact that preventive
methods
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 have not been discovered,
however
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, they could be cured perfectly.
for example
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, Maple Syrup disease is known as a hereditary condition
that is
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 transmitted from parents to children, while all symptoms can be disappeared if proper treatments are done for patients on time. So, authorities have to devote more money to researching and finding a proper cure for many disorders. Health is the biggest
people
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 asset all around the world because
of
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apply
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these distinct preventive ways are applied in societies to reduce the risk of sickness. To explain more, if governments assign a specific amount of money for prevention
methods
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, they would be accessible to all groups of societies even unprivileged ones.
Furthermore
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, government funding allows companies to establish healthy and safe measures at work to distinguish disorders and save more lives. early cancer detection tests are a potent example of how prevention protocols can protect them from detrimental conditions and decrease their living expenses. So, providing
people
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 with some effective
methods
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 for defect detection can increase
people
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's standard quality of life. To conclude,
government
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the government
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 has to

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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