IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In the modern world, population is the biggest problem all around the world, so it has a variety of effects on society that could have both negative and positive sides. I reckon that a crucial number of
people
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 who live in the countryside are moving to the
city
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side
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;
therefore
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, that means the
city
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side
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 is increasing. I absolutely concur with the
people
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 who live on the
city
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side
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 for several reasons.
To begin
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 with, the most significant benefit of living in a
city
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 is that
people
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 have a variety of options in every part of their lives. To illustrate, there are more schools, so the education opportunities are much better than in the countryside.
However
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, as schools are increasing, the unemployment rate is decreasing.
For instance
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,
according to
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 one article that I read, some experts assume that 5 million
people
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 on earth who are teachers will lose their jobs
due to
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 the unexpended population rate. That said, I reckon that there will always be a solution to
this
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 crucial problem,
such
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 as creating new jobs.
On the other hand
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, there are some cons to
this
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 decreasing number of
people
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 in the countryside.
For example
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, if rural
people
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 are moving to cities,
then
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 who is going to do the farming or other important parts for humanity? Without farming, there would be no wheat or barley, so everyone would starve.
In other words
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, if there are migrations,
people
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 will not be able to live comfortably because there will be no one left doing agriculture, and migrations will begin again. In conclusion, if you agree that moving to the
city
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side
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 is beneficial for
people
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's lives but has damaging effects on society, the unemployment rate will absolutely increase.

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task achievement
For a more complete response, ensure that your argument addresses the topic directly from the beginning. Your introduction should clearly state whether you believe the movement from rural areas to cities is positive or negative, and outline the main points that will be discussed.
task achievement
To achieve clearer and more comprehensive ideas, focus on organizing your paragraphs around a single main idea. Provide more detailed explanations and evidence to support your points. Avoid making broad generalizations without backing them up.
task achievement
Including more relevant and specific examples will strengthen your argument. Try to use real-life instances or statistical data to support your claims. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a logical structure by clearly sequencing your points and making smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Including a strong introduction and conclusion will help frame your essay and give it a sense of completeness. Make sure your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Develop and support your main points more fully to improve cohesion. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the topic, clearly explained and supported with examples or reasoning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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