IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some individuals believe that higher education should be funded by the government. Others, however, argue that it ohs the responsibility of individuals to fund their education. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Education is the foundation of a successful future. President believes that authorities should offer free scholarships to youngsters,
while
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 critics reject
this
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 notion and suggest self-funded curriculum fees are more beneficial, which is a topic of considerable debate. In my opinion, both government and individual side efforts are highly advantageous.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on both perspectives and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind
this
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 is that government-funded schooling allows schoolgoers to choose their academic streams independently, without worrying about the academic fees ratio, ultimately, it reduces the financial burden on the families.
For example
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, many highly intelligent students are unable to secure admission in prestigious fields
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Medicine, Engineering and aviation
due to
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 financial crises, free study is fostered to address these issues and alleviate the literacy rate of the nation.
Hence
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, it is apparently why many are in favour of
this
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 statement. On second thought, a couple of reasons drive me to consider the opposite notion as well. A self-funded learning program encourages individuals to focus more on their studies, as financial concern is directly linked with
this
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 notion,
Additionally
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, academic firms can maintain the quality of resources for all students,
whereas
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 free education policies make it difficult to manage.
However
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, personal responsibilities of academic finances help the government to contribute to taxpayers' incomes to develop infrastructure , including Agriculture, Defence and National highways,
consequently
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, it improves the
overall
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 growth of the Country. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the arguments , one reaches the conclusion that the benefits of government-funded culture support equality,
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 the financial burden on families and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 independent choices to choose prestigious fields.
Nevertheless
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, potential influences of personal financial responsibilities should not be overlooked either.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, which is good. However, you could improve clarity by explicitly stating the two viewpoints in separate sentences. This will enhance understanding.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and includes supporting details. While you have done this generally well, some points could be better developed to fully support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. This would make your argument more engaging for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include transition words or phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help readers follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a strength.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the financial crisis affecting intelligent students, add depth to your argument.
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