The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feautres and make comparisons where relevant

#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #information #feautres #comparisons

The given line charts above show the dynamic change of people that owned electronic devices and the total of its usage in a unit of time for the period of 1920 to 2019 The first graph shows that it was no person that owned any devices in 1920 but it

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

significantly rise over the next twenty years. 1960 was the time when the laundry machines and dust busters had the same amount of shares nearly seventy per cent

while

the freezer hit over eight per cent ahead of the others. There has been a stagnancy rise since 1980 for washing machines and the percentage stands at about seventy-five per cent. During the year ,2019 all gears except water-based ones reached their peak as high as the maximum value of the graph.

In addition

, figure two reveals that over the period of

years

Add a comma

,years

show examples

the duration of usage gradually decreased.

Overall

while

the belonging devices escalated dramatically over the periods but the persistence of life hour was not.

Submitted by Favian on Tue Oct 18 2022

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

167 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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