It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvatanges?
It is considered by
Capitalize word
Some
some
that taking Capitalize word
Some
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
risk
is imperative in both professional and personal Fix the agreement mistake
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
facets
facet
. Fix the agreement mistake
facets
However
, from my standpoint, I advocate that taking risks
may bring a lot of drawbacks, for instance
, metal
health issues and trust problems from colleagues.
Correct your spelling
mental
To begin
with mental problems, not all taking risks
has a great outcome, including in pshcology
crises. Correct your spelling
psychology
Although
the majority of people have
Verb problem
are
convienced
Correct your spelling
convinced
a
bad result from accepting Change preposition
of a
challenge
, they still highly expect a positive, precipitating a disappointment. Commencing from Add an article
the challenge
a challenge
this
feeling, the persons feel unworthy and failure in this
life. Moreover
, taking challenge
is risky and Correct article usage
a challenge
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
a
damaging mental Correct article usage
apply
for
personal individual lives by up to 30% of Change preposition
apply
worldwide
population, Add an article
the worldwide
according to
a study published by the Healty
Society Journal.
Correct your spelling
Health
Furthermore
, professional lives could also
be affected by losing a
trust Correct article usage
the
from
co-workers. In the office, individuals are demanded to work professionally Change preposition
of
as well as
effectivelyin
their tasks. If a person Correct your spelling
effectively in
effectively
try
to do something new which has a lot of Change the verb form
tries
potentital
Correct your spelling
potential
risks
, the workload given can have bad results, decreasing the work outcomes quality. The other employees may asuume
that the man is untrustworthy and Correct your spelling
assume
lack
skills in his professional career. Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
This
can be more serious if a great damage affect
Change the verb form
affects
other workload
, possibly having fired from the position.
In conclusion, taking Change the wording
another workload
other workloads
risks
can result in various adverse impacts, including the professional and personal aspects. Societies should plan something carefully if they must take risks
in
a special occasion in order to get a good result.Change preposition
on
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coherence cohesion
There are significant issues with the logical structure of the essay, which lacks clear progression of ideas. Subsequent paragraphs fail to expand logically on the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and reiterate the main points of the essay. The conclusion provided does not effectively summarize the essay's arguments.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with detailed, relevant examples and explanations. The supporting ideas are not sufficiently developed and lack depth.
task achievement
A complete response to the task must address both sides of the argument and present a clear position throughout the essay. The response mainly focuses on the negative aspects without adequately addressing the positive side of taking risks.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your ideas to make them more comprehensive. Aim for a balanced discussion with complex sentences and a range of vocabulary.
task achievement
Use specific examples to back up your points. The current examples are general and lack detailed evidence from studies or personal experience that relates directly to the question.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example