It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvatanges?

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It is considered by
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Some
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some
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Some
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that taking
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risks
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risk
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risks
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is imperative in both professional and personal
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facets
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facet
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facets
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.
However
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, from my standpoint, I advocate that taking
risks
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may bring a lot of drawbacks,
for instance
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,
metal
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mental
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health issues and trust problems from colleagues.
To begin
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with mental problems, not all taking
risks
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has a great outcome, including in
pshcology
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psychology
crises.
Although
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the majority of people
have
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are
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convienced
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convinced
a
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of a
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bad result from accepting
challenge
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the challenge
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, they still highly expect a positive, precipitating a disappointment. Commencing from
this
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feeling, the persons feel unworthy and failure in
this
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life.
Moreover
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, taking
challenge
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a challenge
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is risky and
cause
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causes
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a
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apply
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damaging mental
for
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apply
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personal individual lives by up to 30% of
worldwide
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the worldwide
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population,
according to
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a study published by the
Healty
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Health
Society Journal.
Furthermore
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, professional lives could
also
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be affected by losing
a
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the
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trust
from
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of
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co-workers. In the office, individuals are demanded to work professionally
as well as
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effectivelyin
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effectively in
effectively
their tasks. If a person
try
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tries
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to do something new which has a lot of
potentital
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potential
risks
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, the workload given can have bad results, decreasing the work outcomes quality. The other employees may
asuume
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assume
that the man is untrustworthy and
lack
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lacks
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skills in his professional career.
This
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can be more serious if a great damage
affect
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affects
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other workload
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another workload
other workloads
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, possibly having fired from the position. In conclusion, taking
risks
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can result in various adverse impacts, including the professional and personal aspects. Societies should plan something carefully if they must take
risks
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in
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on
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a special occasion in order to get a good result.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
There are significant issues with the logical structure of the essay, which lacks clear progression of ideas. Subsequent paragraphs fail to expand logically on the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and reiterate the main points of the essay. The conclusion provided does not effectively summarize the essay's arguments.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with detailed, relevant examples and explanations. The supporting ideas are not sufficiently developed and lack depth.
task achievement
A complete response to the task must address both sides of the argument and present a clear position throughout the essay. The response mainly focuses on the negative aspects without adequately addressing the positive side of taking risks.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your ideas to make them more comprehensive. Aim for a balanced discussion with complex sentences and a range of vocabulary.
task achievement
Use specific examples to back up your points. The current examples are general and lack detailed evidence from studies or personal experience that relates directly to the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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