IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In cities there should be many open spaces such as parks and playgrounds. Do you agree or disagree?

#cities #spaces #parks #playgrounds
It is often argued that communities should have some public facilities for citizens. I strongly agree as they increase not only social contact but
also
 prevent many mental
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diseases
deseases
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diseases
. The following paragraphs will
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highlight
highligh
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highlight
 some upsides
on
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of
show examples
 having
spaces
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space
show examples
to
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for
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 the population and some relevant examples.
First
 of all, these days, outdoor activities have been each day
more rarely
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apply
show examples
and
it
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they
show examples
 should be encouraged by the government. With
devices
Add a comma
,devices
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 the number of obesity have dramatically
rose
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risen
show examples
 as well as the quantity of many other
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diseases
deseases
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diseases
such
 as
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diabetes
diabets
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diabetes
 and high blood pressure.
For example
, nowadays, children have been playing for hours on their
smartphone
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smartphones
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instead
 of going to playgrounds, they do not even need to stand up to have fun.
Therefore
, they become sedentary and it is extremely harmful to their
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healthy
health
healty
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health
.
In addition
, studies have shown how important social
entreteniment
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entertainment
are
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is
show examples
 to individuals as it helps to prevent depression and isolation.
Consequently
, it would be
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essential
essantial
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essential
 not only for children but
also
to
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for
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 their parents to go outside and joy new
comphanies
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companies
.
Moreover
, nature is a great way to decrease stress.
For instance
, it has been
prooved
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proved
show examples
 that people who frequently go to a park or
in
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to
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 some area which is covered by
threes
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trees
show examples
 are happier. For that reason, governments could improve those areas
incentiveiting
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incentivising
incentivizing
 the population to go. To conclude, in my opinion, governments should create more parks and playgrounds as they are essential to citizens because it prevents many
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diseases
deaseases
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diseases
such
 as
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diabetes
diabets
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diabetes
,
high
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and high
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 blood pressure as well as
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mental
show examples
metal
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mental
show examples
 health that are depression and isolation.
Submitted by izabellaveronesi on

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