Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #copy #behaviour #celebrities #food #drink #habits

Young

people

look up to

celebrities

and can be easily influenced by them. Because of

this

, some

people

believe that there should be restrictions on what

celebrities

can advertise, or on how they behave. In my view,

this

seems a little unreasonable. It is true that

celebrities

have a lot of influence. Brands pay them large sums of money to use their products in the knowledge that

this

will increase sales. These companies know that young

people

in particular

,particular want to copy their heroes.

However

, not all of these businesses offer healthy choices.

Thus

, famous

people

also

sometimes promote less desirable behaviour. As a society, we need young

people

to follow good role models, and so

celebrities

need to understand that accepting money from advertising means that they are acting in

this

capacity.

Therefore

, the famous need to be aware of their role in society and make good choices based on

this

Nevertheless

, the proposal to restrict

celebrities

in some way may go too far.

While

they should behave responsibly when in the public eye, they should

also

be allowed the freedom to make their own decisions.

Furthermore

, if we believe that young

people

will always copy the behaviour of others, even when

this

is unwise, that indicates a different problem: the need for young

people

to learn how to think for themselves.

Thus

, rather than asking

celebrities

to change their lifestyle, we should teach the young to take responsibility for their life choices In conclusion, I can only partly agree with

this

view.

Although

celebrities

should not promote unhealthy behaviour, I believe they have the right to choose for themselves how they earn money or spend their free time. It is far more important to teach young

people

to show their own good Judgment than to limit the freedom of others. (302)

Submitted by atoosa_1398 on Wed Dec 29 2021

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task achievement

Be sure to prominently address the task given with a clear position throughout your essay. While there was some relevancy in the response to the question prompt, there could be an increased focus on explicitly answering the question of whether you agree or disagree with the limitations on celebrity endorsements.

task achievement

Develop and support your main points with specific, relevant examples. The arguments were provided, but there was a lack of explicit detail and examples that could substantiate the claims made.

coherence cohesion

For a higher score, focus on ensuring that your essay has a balanced, transparent structure with clear transitions between paragraphs. The overall organization was sound, but at times, the essay would benefit from clearer links between ideas.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the cohesion of your essay by using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively and varying them throughout the text to help the reader navigate your argument smoothly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

endorsement
influence
lifestyle
consciousness
social responsibility
regulation
liberty
supply and demand
unintended consequences
critical thinking
brand image
nutrition
public figure
health advocacy
restrictions
moderation
consumer behavior
market forces
ethical advertising
personal brand

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Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Fresh water has always been a limited resources in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand, and what measures can government and individuals take to respond to this problem.

Each year, the crime rate increase. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity.

The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under threat .What can be done to maintain biodiversity?