Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #copy #behaviour #celebrities #food #drink #habits

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Young

people

look up to

celebrities

and can be easily influenced by them. Because of

this

, some

people

believe that there should be restrictions on what

celebrities

can advertise, or on how they behave. In my view,

this

seems a little unreasonable. It is true that

celebrities

have a lot of influence. Brands pay them large sums of money to use their products in the knowledge that

this

will increase sales. These companies know that young

people

in particular

,particular want to copy their heroes.

However

, not all of these businesses offer healthy choices.

Thus

, famous

people

also

sometimes promote less desirable behaviour. As a society, we need young

people

to follow good role models, and so

celebrities

need to understand that accepting money from advertising means that they are acting in

this

capacity.

Therefore

, the famous need to be aware of their role in society and make good choices based on

this

Nevertheless

, the proposal to restrict

celebrities

in some way may go too far.

While

they should behave responsibly when in the public eye, they should

also

be allowed the freedom to make their own decisions.

Furthermore

, if we believe that young

people

will always copy the behaviour of others, even when

this

is unwise, that indicates a different problem: the need for young

people

to learn how to think for themselves.

Thus

, rather than asking

celebrities

to change their lifestyle, we should teach the young to take responsibility for their life choices In conclusion, I can only partly agree with

this

view.

Although

celebrities

should not promote unhealthy behaviour, I believe they have the right to choose for themselves how they earn money or spend their free time. It is far more important to teach young

people

to show their own good Judgment than to limit the freedom of others. (302)

Submitted by atoosa_1398 on Wed Dec 29 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Be sure to prominently address the task given with a clear position throughout your essay. While there was some relevancy in the response to the question prompt, there could be an increased focus on explicitly answering the question of whether you agree or disagree with the limitations on celebrity endorsements.

task achievement

Develop and support your main points with specific, relevant examples. The arguments were provided, but there was a lack of explicit detail and examples that could substantiate the claims made.

coherence cohesion

For a higher score, focus on ensuring that your essay has a balanced, transparent structure with clear transitions between paragraphs. The overall organization was sound, but at times, the essay would benefit from clearer links between ideas.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the cohesion of your essay by using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively and varying them throughout the text to help the reader navigate your argument smoothly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

endorsement
influence
lifestyle
consciousness
social responsibility
regulation
liberty
supply and demand
unintended consequences
critical thinking
brand image
nutrition
public figure
health advocacy
restrictions
moderation
consumer behavior
market forces
ethical advertising
personal brand

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Your local newspaper is offering an award for people who have helped the community. Write a letter to the newspaper editor. In your letter •suggest someone you think should receive the award •describe what the person does to help the community •suggest an award that would be appropriate for this person
I have seen the offer your newspaper are foresting so I want to postulate the karate class' teacher whose name is Oliver. First of all, he is a good example for all the stundents that attent his classes and the surrounders who might see the way he behaive, furthermore he is always willing to help parents to understand their children abilities and weakenesses to be adressed. Besides that he looks after the infrastructure where the lessons have been taken reporting any issues in regars to the administration office when necessary, hence all the comunity can enjoy a good place to practice their preferd sport.
7
band
In many countries, the gap between the rich and poor is widening. What problems can this cause, and what solutions can you suggest?
In various nations, the gap between higher and lower classes is rising and this cause brings different problems like inequality in using different facilities and increasing crime rates introducing more taxes and job creation can solve these problems.
5.5
band
There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.
An increasing number of married couples around the world choosing to remain childless. The main benefits of not having a child for couples are that they can focus on their careers and have more time for themselves. The main drawbacks are that they could not fit into their peers’ group and have no one to look after them when they get old.
6.5
band
“Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”
There is no doubt that we live in a world where social networks are being developed more than ever. Modern forms of communication such as email and texting are increasingly popular, reducing the amount of time people spend meeting friends. This has had a negative impact on their social life. I, myself, partly agree with this idea, which will be discussed below.
5.5
band
Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events.Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Whether a majority of individuals on the globe utilize social platforms to contact and update with news occasions is still a recurring argument. This writer argues that the advantages of shortened telecommunication intervals and knowledge acquisition outweigh the disadvantages of social media addiction.

Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries, the gap between the rich and poor is widening. What problems can this cause, and what solutions can you suggest?

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

“Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events.Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?