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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those crimes?

It is true that in most
country's
Change noun form
countries
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 crime rates has been increased lately,
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this
Correct word choice
and this
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 has been due to various reasons.
However
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,
unemployment
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 and lack of education would be the key factors which represent the higher percentage
in
Change preposition
of
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 criminal cases.
Thus
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, the government has a significant role in mitigating
this
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 issue.
This
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 essay would
further
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 discuss the causes and solutions to
this
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 situation.
Firstly
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, most
countries
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 have faced various issues due to higher
unemployment
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 rates,
this
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 issue
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 common to each geographical area
such
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 as in developed
countries
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 the
unemployment
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 rate is at
extreme
Correct article usage
an extreme
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 stage due to technological development
on the other hand
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 underdevelopment
countries
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 suffering due to lack of jobs and economic crisis.
However
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, the end results would be quite similar whereas we can identify a growing number of drug trafficking, smuggling and robberies due to the root cause which leads to
unemployment
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. Even though the cases are unacceptable given the situation people tend to rob others mainly due to hunger.
This
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 is a sensitive factor which government should overlook from a broader perspective.
Secondly
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, the lack of education we can see most of the children quitting
from
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apply
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school from the early days of their lives,
this
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 happens frequently in
third
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 world
countries
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such
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 as India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh as result of
this
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 trend we can notify most of the students to tend to do odd jobs in order to look after their families.
This
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 has a connection in relation to
unemployment
Use synonyms
 in the long run. Social research
have
Change the verb form
has
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 identified that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children have become thieves in various gangs which has a serious impact on the country's future. In conclusion, education and employability play
Add an article
a
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prominent
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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 when
come
Change the verb form
coming
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 to crime management
however
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 government and relevant authorities should have to play a responsible role in community management yet it will cause detrimental effects on the country's future.

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Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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