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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days people are living into their 90's and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible?

#people #concern #care #responsibility #members #government
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Due to the development of
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
system
Add a comma
,system
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 tend to live longer when they did it early. Nowadays, society
have
Change the verb form
has
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 faced with a question about responsibility for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
. In my mind, the government should be obliged to social and health welfare. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in cities tend to have nuclear families. The reason is the speed and cost of
life
Replace the word
living
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 in megapolises. In that case,
people
Use synonyms
 don’t have
time
Use synonyms
 to care for their parents.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the old generation need not only care and medical help, they frequently need
a
Correct article usage
apply
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company. It is crucial for
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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 to have a pleasant
time
Use synonyms
 with others. Unfortunately, the modern lifestyle doesn’t provide a lot of
time
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 to spend with family, and the old generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to watch TV all day long. In that case, retirement homes can be a win-win choice for all.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in developing countries
such
Linking Words
 as India, Iran,
Azerbaijan
Correct word choice
and Azerbaijan
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, often live in extended families. Adults and their children take care of the old generation.
Moreover
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, some of the countries are very religious and have strong traditional values.
This
Linking Words
 is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 close-knit families. It definitely gives some positive effects on
emotional
Correct article usage
the emotional
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 conditions
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 but they
also
Linking Words
 need qualified medical help from
time
Use synonyms
 to
time
Use synonyms
. To sum up,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 should have access to the medical system. Due to the cost of health
insurance
Add a comma
,insurance
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 it must be provided by the government, As far as family members are concerned it is a personal decision.
Although
Linking Words
 retirement in the family circle is the most pleasant choice.
Submitted by skoobrs13 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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