IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

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Parents
Use synonyms
 have
influence
Add an article
an influence
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 on their children's
decisions
Use synonyms
 especially when they are young.
However
Linking Words
, I think that
this
Linking Words
 level of influence has decreased over the years and now
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 population are more independent when making
decisions
Use synonyms
. I will explain why I feel
this
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 way in the next paragraphs. The first point I would like to make is that now
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 population are exposed to worldwide data on the Internet. Because of
this
Linking Words
 increased access to information,
parents
Use synonyms
 are no longer the only information resource that youth have.
For example
Linking Words
, in the past without
this
Linking Words
 exposure,
parents
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 used to be the main influence on their children’s
decisions
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. Now, when young
people
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 have a doubt, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 just search on the Internet about the topic to learn about and see the opinions of different
people
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 around the world. The second thought I would like to point out is that globalization and easy ways of transportation have helped young
people
Use synonyms
 to change their mindset about life. Let me illustrate
this
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 with an example, when my
parents
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 were young it was not easy to travel to different countries because ways of transport were not as developed and fast as nowadays.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they were not exposed to different cultures and backgrounds.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, my generation can travel
further
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 distances and different countries by planes, and trains. To summarize, I agree that nowadays young
people
Use synonyms
 are better able to make
decisions
Use synonyms
 about their own lives than in the past. As I mentioned before exposure to the Internet and new transportation ways has helped them to acquire and be exposed to different information that they take into consideration when they want to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 a decision.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of the essay, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more connective phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Moreover,' to tie your ideas together more coherently.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported with specific and relevant examples. While your examples are clear, adding more detailed specifics would help illustrate your points better.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to maintain the reader's interest. Using a mix of complex and simple sentences can make your essay more engaging.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for the rest of the essay effectively.
task achievement
You provide strong arguments, supported by relevant examples, which show a good understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and reinforces your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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