In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
this
modern world, in some nations, humans are expected to have their first offspring late, when they are older. Many people indicate that it is because they want to be completely sure that their son is financially secure, others comment that it is due to
their career that future parents are willing to delay the birth of their child.
To begin
with, the first reason can be considered the financial factor. Often poor couples worry a lot about their child’s life and think about having a baby when they have at least some important facilities to raise and to
take care of the child as well. Fix the infinitive
apply
For instance
, our neighbour has just had a baby, because they had a problem of
Change preposition
with
accomodation
. Correct your spelling
accommodation
Moreover
, some adults prefer having a good career and enjoying social life to sitting at home and raising their offspring. In other words
,,
they do not want to sacrifice their personal young life and spend most of their valuable time on the baby’s upbringing.
On the flip side, I feel that there are several negative effects to Change the punctuation
apply
this
trend. Firstly
, delaying pregnancy can lead to health complications. Fertility starts to decline after the age
of thirty, and babies born after
this
age
might have a higher risk of health conditions such
as Dawn syndrome and other genetic birth defects. Hence
, having a kid in old maturity can have fatal consequences for an infant's well-being. Secondly
, having a child later may cause a significant gap between the two generations and this
will make it harder for parents to communicate with their children and bring up. For example
, one of my father's girlfriends had a baby at the age
of 56 and it was hard for her to take care of him.
In a nutshell, it is apt to conclude
that although
some benefits can be visible in having a kid at an old age
such
that their children will be financially secure and will have a proper childhood and education, nevertheless
, offspring can have serious health issues and it will be tough for already aged parents to raise and also
give love to their children .Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on
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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly paraphrases the question and presents your overall position. Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement outlining the reasons for the delay in having children and whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a high coherence and cohesion score, ensure that your essay has a logical flow of ideas and clear paragraphing. While you have attempted to structure your essay, some transitions between ideas are abrupt and could benefit from more cohesive devices.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. While you have attempted to provide reasons for the delay in having children, the examples given are quite general and could be more developed to support your argument effectively.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the conclusion summarises the main points made and restates your position clearly. Your conclusion attempts to provide a summary and a position, but it could be more definitive in stating whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid errors with vocabulary, such as 'Dawn syndrome' which should be 'Down syndrome'. These detract from the accuracy of your writing and can affect your score.
Task Achievement
It's important to address both sides of the question. You did mention both advantages and disadvantages, but make sure to weigh them against each other more explicitly if the question asks whether one outweighs the other.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on writing complex sentences accurately. There are instances of run-on sentences and errors with conjunctions that affect readability. Practice breaking down complex ideas into simple sentences first, and then combine them with appropriate linking words.