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Band 6

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #pets #children
Throughout the years,
parents
 have had concerns regarding the wellness of having
pets
 around
children
. Some
parents
 have perceived
pets
 as good for the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 of
children
 yet others think of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 as threatening to
children
.
Nevertheless
, I personally believe that
pets
 are good to keep around
children
. In one perspective,
pets
 are widely known to be unhygienic as they travel out a lot, taking in dust, dirt and germs into the house.
This
 becomes a health concern for
parents
 with young
children
 as kids are prone to illness
due to
 a weak and fragile immune system.
Other concerns
Fix the agreement mistake
Another concern
show examples
 regarding
pets
is
Change the verb form
are
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 the natural
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of being aggressive and wary towards their surroundings. As an example, a Rottweiler is a common pet used for the purpose of guarding.
However
, there was a case that it killed a child after being awoken in surprise leading to an aggressive response.
Therefore
,
pets
 are considered a bad option to be kept around
children
 from
this
 point of view.
On the other hand
,
pets
 are good to be kept around
children
 for entertainment
as well as
 safety purposes. As
parents
 are unable to accompany
children
due to
 work or household chores,
pets
 can be companions for them and engage them in activities away from gadgets.
For instance
, outdoor activities
such
 as fetch and tag are possible with the companion of a pet dog. Another positive aspect of having
pets
 is the natural instinct and wariness that it has making it useful for safety purposes.
Pets
, commonly dogs, are aware of their surroundings and understand
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
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 and threats around them. In a particular case, a dog protected its owner from being kidnapped
from
Change preposition
by
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 a passing car.
Hence
,
pets
 are good for safety measures and entertainment for
children
. In conclusion, the cases of threats and dangers caused by
pets
 are overthrown by the greatness of having
pets
 around
children
, as they entertain and guard them.
Submitted by kelly on

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language
Try to include more variety in sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. For example, use a mix of complex, compound, and simple sentences.
task
Ensure all examples provided directly support the point being made in the paragraph. This strengthens the argument and maintains focus.
coherence
Work on tightening up the conclusion to make it more impactful. Summarize your arguments succinctly while reinforcing your stance.
content
You provided a balanced discussion by recognizing both views before stating your own opinion.
task
You've included relevant examples which make the essay more compelling and grounded in real-life scenarios.
introduction
The introduction is clear and sets the stage well for the discussion to follow.
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