IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Throughout the years,
parents
Use synonyms
 have had concerns regarding the wellness of having
pets
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 around
children
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. Some
parents
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 have perceived
pets
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 as good for the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 of
children
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 yet others think of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 as threatening to
children
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.
Nevertheless
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, I personally believe that
pets
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 are good to keep around
children
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. In one perspective,
pets
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 are widely known to be unhygienic as they travel out a lot, taking in dust, dirt and germs into the house.
This
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 becomes a health concern for
parents
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 with young
children
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 as kids are prone to illness
due to
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 a weak and fragile immune system.
Other concerns
Fix the agreement mistake
Another concern
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 regarding
pets
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 the natural
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of being aggressive and wary towards their surroundings. As an example, a Rottweiler is a common pet used for the purpose of guarding.
However
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, there was a case that it killed a child after being awoken in surprise leading to an aggressive response.
Therefore
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,
pets
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 are considered a bad option to be kept around
children
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 from
this
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 point of view.
On the other hand
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,
pets
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 are good to be kept around
children
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 for entertainment
as well as
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 safety purposes. As
parents
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 are unable to accompany
children
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due to
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 work or household chores,
pets
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 can be companions for them and engage them in activities away from gadgets.
For instance
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, outdoor activities
such
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 as fetch and tag are possible with the companion of a pet dog. Another positive aspect of having
pets
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 is the natural instinct and wariness that it has making it useful for safety purposes.
Pets
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, commonly dogs, are aware of their surroundings and understand
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
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 and threats around them. In a particular case, a dog protected its owner from being kidnapped
from
Change preposition
by
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 a passing car.
Hence
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,
pets
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 are good for safety measures and entertainment for
children
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. In conclusion, the cases of threats and dangers caused by
pets
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 are overthrown by the greatness of having
pets
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 around
children
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, as they entertain and guard them.

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language
Try to include more variety in sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. For example, use a mix of complex, compound, and simple sentences.
task
Ensure all examples provided directly support the point being made in the paragraph. This strengthens the argument and maintains focus.
coherence
Work on tightening up the conclusion to make it more impactful. Summarize your arguments succinctly while reinforcing your stance.
content
You provided a balanced discussion by recognizing both views before stating your own opinion.
task
You've included relevant examples which make the essay more compelling and grounded in real-life scenarios.
introduction
The introduction is clear and sets the stage well for the discussion to follow.
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