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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are theadvantages and disadvantages for the child having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #theadvantages #child
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Everythings
Correct your spelling
Everything
show examples
 have more good side and
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 side, buy many
toys
Use synonyms
 too. Today, some
parents
Use synonyms
 give their
children
Use synonyms
 a large of
toys
Use synonyms
 to play with. It
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 advantages or disadvantages
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
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 on parental care because
parent
Add an article
the parent
a parent
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 will be decided to grow of
children
Use synonyms
. The
first
Linking Words
 benefit
is boost
Change the verb form
is boosting
is boosted
show examples
 the
child
Use synonyms
's creativity. If the
children
Use synonyms
 play with many
toys
Use synonyms
, they can improve their IQ and learn more
interest
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
 actions.
For example
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
play
Correct pronoun usage
who play
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 with lego are
clever
Correct quantifier usage
more clever
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 than
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
. They can use their
creative
Replace the word
creativity
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 to make more buildings with lego. If they play with their
parents
Use synonyms
, they can learn more than from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can play with more puzzle
toy
Fix the agreement mistake
toys
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 jigsaw,
rubik
Change the capitalization
Rubik
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, cast
puzzle
Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
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, etc., to improve their skill and brain.
Second
Linking Words
, when
parents
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
need
nedd
Correct your spelling
need
 to do their work, they can give their
children
Use synonyms
 a large number of
toys
Use synonyms
 to keep the
child
Use synonyms
 busy. It
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 avoid disturbance to focus on their work and decrease stress after
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 hard. The
last
Linking Words
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 is
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 happy.
Toys
Use synonyms
 are entertainment to help
children
Use synonyms
 laugh out loud, there are very effective to make the
child
Use synonyms
 stop crying.
However
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 many
toys
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 has
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 side. There are adversely affect the
child
Use synonyms
's social development. The
child
Use synonyms
 will play with their
toys
Use synonyms
 alone and don't go out to play with their friend. Their communication skill will be unimproved. If their
parents
Use synonyms
are not spend
Change the verb form
are not spending
show examples
 time
to play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
, they cannot grow perfect, they will have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 influence on the future. Not only that, the kid
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
 appreciate the value of the
toys
Use synonyms
. They will
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 boring very fast with new
toys
Use synonyms
 and want to give more new
toys
Use synonyms
. They will waste
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
 and do not know the value of their
toys
Use synonyms
. In short, buying more
toys
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 is not bad, but
parents
Use synonyms
 should limit
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of
toys
Use synonyms
 they give to their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
 to help the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 best
self development
Add a hyphen
self-development
show examples
.
Submitted by shin.le1988 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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