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Band 7.5

Some educationalist believe that non-exam, art based subjects, such as music, drama and art should be compulsory in secondary school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The massive burden of providing the best curriculum for children rests on the shoulders of high-ranking officials.
While
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 some opine that art-related subjects should be mandatory for students, in my view, placing a high value on children's interest and talent is much more significant. On the one hand, art subjects go a long way in improving personal growth for school-goers. To clarify, when they have the chance to participate in some classes,
such
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 as music, painting, and even theatre, they are able to interact with many individuals with different backgrounds, which results in increasing tolerance and peace among them to a great extent, since they can understand how to get along well with others with completely different viewpoints.
On the other hand
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, underestimating the importance of motivation to continue some courses is not logical. If principals should force schoolchildren to attend some classes that are not on their favourite list, they may get reluctant to take part in learning environments.
Furthermore
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, some of them do not have any talent in
such
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 courses.
As a result
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, they consider themselves inferior compared to their peers, which leads to a decrease in their self-confidence to a great extent.
Hence
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, teachers should prioritise these important factors over obligation. In conclusion,
while
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 developing a sense of art among students has a lot of positive effects on their daily life, it does not necessarily mean that authorities should put pressure on them to take these courses. I strongly believe that considering interest and talent as a priority can be much more beneficial to learn each ability.

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task response
State your clear view in the opening sentence and restate it in the conclusion.
coherence
Use one main idea per paragraph and link them with simple connectives.
content
Give simple, concrete examples to support points and avoid long, complex phrases.
grammar
Use shorter sentences and common words to improve clarity.
grammar
Check spelling and word choice, and make small fixes (e.g., 'principal' vs 'principals','theatre' vs 'theater').
content
Clear position against forcing arts in curriculum.
coherence
Good use of parallel points (benefits and motivation).
structure
Introduction and conclusion present.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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